Writing Heartfelt Thank You Notes (with Scripts for Catholic Brides)

/

HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

A well written thank you note is an act of love. It expresses gratitude and thoughtfulness

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

It takes time and effort to write individual thank you cards for your wedding and bridal shower, but this gesture can express your gratitude and thoughtfulness in a truly unique way.

Plus, sending a thank you note after your wedding allows you to share your new address with friends and family. 

Your guests will appreciate the warmth and personal touch a thank you note brings.

Here are some scripts you can use for inspiration to  make your own heartfelt thank you notes:

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to my bridal shower this Summer. I loved getting the chance to celebrate and visit with you. Thank you for the (name of gift). It was very thoughtful of you and I am excited to (way you will use the gift). (Fiance’s name) and I are blessed to have your support as we get ready to enter the Sacrament of Marriage. Please keep us in your prayers. We can’t wait to celebrate with you on (Wedding Date).

Gratefully, The Future Mrs. (Last)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to celebrate our wedding day with us! We were honored to have you there to support us as we entered the Sacrament of Marriage. It was such a joyful day for us and it wouldn’t have been the same without so many amazing friends and family surrounding us. Thank you for the (name of gift). (Husband’s name) and I cannot wait to (way you will use the gift). We are so blessed to have you in our lives, thank you for your generosity.

In Christ, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for the (name of gift) you sent us to celebrate our wedding. We are very grateful. We already (way you have used the gift). We missed being able to celebrate with you in person but (husband’s name) and felt your love even from far away. We promise to send you lots of photos. Thank you again and warm wishes to your family!

With Love, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Read more: Heartfelt Thank You Notes: The 6th Love Language


Include any personal/relevant details to make a thank you note extra special:

“We were touched that you traveled all the way from ... to celebrate with us.” 

“It was great to hear about…” 

“We can’t wait to see you and your family again at…” 

“Your children are getting so grown up we were overjoyed to see them again.” 

“Congratulations on…”


If someone did something particular to help out at the wedding or shower be sure to mention it by name:

“Thank you for baking the cookies, they were delicious!” 

“We were so grateful to borrow the venue decorations you lent us.” 

“Thank you for being there to help us set up the tables for the reception. We couldn’t have done it without you.” 

When someone gives you a money or gift card try to be specific about how you will use it:

“Thank you for the gift card to Target. We will use it to buy bath towels for our new home.” “Thank you for the generous $50 you gave us. We will be using it as we travel to (location) for our honeymoon.” 

“Thank you for donating to our wedding fund. Thanks to you we were able to hire the photographer we wanted even though they were a little out of our initial price range. We will treasure our wedding photos for a long time to come.”

Finally, don’t forget to write thank you notes for the most important people in your lives. Parents, Bridesmaids, new In-Laws, Grandparents, and Siblings will all appreciate a handwritten note expressing your gratitude:

“Thank you for being my Maid of Honor. I cannot express how grateful I am that you were beside me as I entered my new vocation. Your friendship is such a gift.”

“Mom and Dad thank you for every little and big thing you did to help with my wedding. I know you made so many sacrifices to get me to this place in my life and I am so very grateful. Thank you for the woman you raised me to be and the way that you’ve always been there to love and support me.”

“Grandma, thank you so much for all the love and kindness you’ve always shown me. Thank you especially for coming with Mom and I when we picked out my wedding dress. It was so special to have you there with me on such a special day.” 

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

INSTAGRAM

Setting Boundaries with Technology in the Bedroom

/

HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

"Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why… It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the nothing.” ––C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

We live in a culture in which noise and busyness constantly vie for our attention. The enemy not only tries to push us towards sin but wants to distract us from what is truly important. 

Modern man’s cell phone use might not seem like a big deal; however, if we are not intentional, time that we could spend fostering our marriages will be lost in this sea of busy nothing, simply staring into a screen. Setting the healthy and simple boundary of keeping cell phones out of your bedroom can help.

Not only does keeping your cell phone out of your room can help you get a better night’s sleep, but it will also benefit your marriage in more ways than one.

Your marriage bed is sacred; it is a place where you can connect with your spouse. Make yourselves present and attentive to one another by removing distractions, like screens, from your bed. Doing this will naturally foster emotional and physical intimacy that would otherwise be lost.

Our jobs, our extended family, and social media do not need us available 24/7. Our spouses, however, need us to make time for connection everyday. Sometimes we get busy with our daily tasks and the only intentional moments you have together are before you fall asleep at night or before the day begins. It’s important, especially when life seems busier than usual, to focus on your spouse’s needs and use the time you do have to the benefit of your marriage.

Related: Newlywed Challenge | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage


Having our first or the last thoughts of the day dictated by social media or our inboxes isn’t good for us. 

While I enjoy ‘vegg-ing’ out on my phone in bed after a long day, I began to notice that I would inevitably find myself thinking about something I read online that bothered me or comparing myself to some unrealistic standard. Then I noticed a similar pattern in the morning; checking social media in the morning ultimately left me feeling overwhelmed and distracted before the day even began.

Using an actual alarm clock rather than having my phone on my nightstand can  help you break the habit of browsing social media and checking your inbox in bed. My husband and I have a charging station outside our bedroom where our phones typically stay overnight. (Bonus: Doing this with your spouse will also make implementing a similar rule for your future teenagers much easier and more natural. 

I’ve noticed that the space from my phone has not only been good for my marriage but it has also been good for my relationship with Christ.

While I don’t always practice this perfectly, I strive to start and end my day with some silence and prayer to root myself in Christ. Eliminating distractions when I first wake up has helped me to remember to tell Jesus that I love him every morning and offer him my day before my feet hit the floor. In the evenings I can reflect on my day and take time to pray with my spouse.

I have found this simple practice allows me to be more intentional with my spouse, to cultivate my relationship with Christ, and protect our marriage from the enemy’s distractions. I encourage you to try this out in your own marriage and see what fruits you find from keeping your phones out of your bed.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

INSTAGRAM

Newlywed Life | Lessons in Love from Quarantine

/

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

If hours spent indoors alongside my husband, inhabiting the same four walls for days on end has revealed anything to me, it’s this: in marriage, there is nowhere for me to hide.

And as we enter our eleventh month of quarantine amid COVID-19, I’m actually grateful for the purification we’ve undergone. In these months of increased isolation, my shortcomings have never been more pronounced. To acknowledge them, rather than to hide, has been an ongoing pursuit.

Photography: Shannon Acton Photo, seen in Sandra + Shaheen | Glamorous Orange County Wedding

Photography: Shannon Acton Photo, seen in Sandra + Shaheen | Glamorous Orange County Wedding

Has your relationship undergone something similar? Being home together more frequently than we ever have before has shown my husband and I who we are, and on the best days, has given us the resolve to be more who the Lord calls us to be. If the pandemic has also brought you and your spouse to this level of deeper--and sometimes, more painful--vulnerability, here I’m humbly sharing some of the lessons and fruits I’ve experienced:

It’s okay to do things differently.

In the early weeks of lockdowns, my husband and I bickered constantly over our daily routines: what was the better way to load the dishwasher? Why didn’t he make the bed right after waking? Why did I let unread texts and emails accumulate in my notifications?

While it sounds blatantly obvious to recognize that most daily tasks have no moral dimension, we struggled so frequently with thinking our personal ways of doing things were the only way. As time passed, we talked about inviting the divine into the mundane of our routines--that is, remembering even with our differing habits, we’re on the same team for life. 

Apology is a language.

Much like receiving love, receiving and accepting apologies takes on particular meaning to every person. Have you and your spouse ever discussed your “apology language”? Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, cites “expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting,” and “requesting forgiveness” as distinct languages of apology. I encourage you to talk with your spouse about what words and actions you each find most impactful and provide the most closure on an issue. This apology quiz by Dr. Chapman can help illuminate ways to facilitate meaningful apologies in your relationship.

In a time when my husband’s and my tempers have flared more frequently, quick apology and sincere forgiveness have made a noticeable difference in the overall tenor of our days. 

Loving encouragement is a skill you can develop.

My husband and I trust each other with our failings and try to receive correction humbly and honestly. Emphasis on try. In these months at home, there has been such a stripping away of myself before the man who calls me on at my worst and still sees the best in me. 

It’s become increasingly clear to us that how we call each other on is just as important as when we do (that is, not when one of us is preoccupied or when our kids require our presence and attention), and what issues we choose to bring up with one another. Instead of saying things like “Man, can’t you put your phone down?”, something more like “Is all this constant internet time the most fulfilling thing for you right now?” expresses the same sentiment in a constructive, thought-provoking way. Words matter, and my husband and I have been challenged to make our communication more loving and clear.

Enter into your shortcomings--but don’t stay there.

In quarantine there is, quite literally, no place to run. What could be an occasion to turn inward in my shame has instead shown itself to be an opportunity to go outside of  myself--confronting my weakness instead, and allowing the Lord to bring my husband and I into a deeper union.

Deciding to own up to my bad habits and daily failures hurts. But like removing any disease or poison, there is restoration on the other side of the pain. If I were to deny my mistakes, rationalize them, or refuse to believe I’m ever in the wrong, I can only imagine a bone-deep sense of loneliness. When I ask my husband’s forgiveness for my instances of impatience, bad moods, or criticism, I’m realigning myself with him, knowing that to be in error alongside him is more consoling--and more productive--than remaining unapologetic in my pride, alone. 

“It’s amazing how God has designed marriage for the salvation of the spouses: you have the choice to either close in on your selfish tendencies, refuse to serve each other and end up broken and alone. Or you can choose to learn how to place the other first, to serve each other in sacrifice and find happiness. The choice is our own.”

If the pandemic has left your home life struggling, know you aren’t alone. Communication, apology, and mercy are foundational skills we can always grow in, with the help of grace and the support of a loving spouse. Whenever the time comes that my husband and I are no longer working from home and together nearly 24/7, I pray I’ll look back on this time as one of great growth.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM

Introducing The Spoken Bride Community! | Our New Platform for Dialogue, Prayer & Relationship.

/


Spoken Bride’s mission is rooted in a culture of encounter: the power of dialogue, goodness, truth, beauty, and holy marriages to draw others into the loving heart of our Creator. 

Earlier this year when we felt a nudge to forge deeper personal connections--true encounter--among our brides, team members, and vendors, we set out to find the best way of doing that.

We are proud to introduce The Spoken Bride Community, launching January 4.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we designed to be different from any other feed out there, with greater depth and a leap from screens to real life: one that invites pause over more scrolling, conversation over surface-level comments, rest over restlessness.

We created The Spoken Bride Community to bring you together with other Catholic women who are joyfully pursuing the vocation to marriage, through:

  • Exclusive prayer events

  • Conversation prompts

  • Wedding & marriage education from our team’s experts

  • Virtual small groups tailored to your location and season of your vocation

You’re invited.

How do I join The Spoken Bride Community?

The Spoken Bride Community runs through the Mighty Networks app, available in your phone’s app store or accessible here from your desktop. Download the app and create a username and password. On January 4, log in and, when prompted, search for Spoken Bride and request to join.

How is The Spoken Bride Community different from your blog, Instagram, or Facebook?

Spoken Bride’s blog and social media are impactful platforms for sharing the spiritual and practical content we create for brides-to-be and newlyweds, highlighting Catholic wedding vendors, and showcasing real couples’ divinely written love stories. We love seeing you share our content and tag your friends, trusting that the Holy Spirit speak to our brides the words they most need to hear.

For all these strengths, though, do you ever find yourself wishing social media allowed for...more? More genuine dialogue and meaningful encouragement. More long conversations. More opportunities for real-life friendships. With The Spoken Bride Community, our goal is to meet these needs, offering daily opportunities to share your opinions, intentions, questions, and experiences through conversation and prayer. We can’t wait to join you in your vocation through monthly prayer events, Ask Me Anythings, planning education, and more.

Is it free?

The Spoken Bride Community will be a paid membership platform. For about the monthly cost of two small (or one large!) coffees, you’ll have access to this group of women--brides-to-be, newlyweds, wedding industry pros, and members of the Spoken Bride team--committed to living out their call to marriage with all its realness and supporting one another as sisters in Christ.

It’s our goal that our offerings through the Community, along with your involvement and input, will be fruitful and valuable; a daily investment in your marriage and spiritual life.

What about my fiancé or husband?

We’re eager to highlight both the feminine genius and the gift of authentic masculinity through the topics we’ll share in The Spoken Bride Community. Those of us on the team who are engaged or married can’t wait to have our beloveds join in on prayer events and share on the wedding planning process from the groom’s perspective!

We made this platform for you, and can’t wait for the contributions and fruits your unique voice will bring. See you there for honest conversation, authentic relationship, and prayerful support.

When the Holidays Don't Go As Planned

/

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

It was not until I was an adult that I truly appreciated the nuances of the Church’s celebration of Christmas. 

While the world shouts for all of December about magic and happiness and wonder, the Church waits slowly and quietly through the Advent season, until we reach the feast of Christmas and our great joy at the mystery of God become man overflows. We rejoice with the angels and celebrate for twelve days, all the way to Epiphany.

And yet, at the margins of our celebrations, there are small hints, reminders that the story does not stop with the baby in the manger. 

The wise men’s gifts of gold for the baby King, yes, but also the frankincense and myrrh that foretell His death for us. The feast of St. Stephen, the first martyr, on December 26th, which makes clear the price of following that baby in the manger. The feast of the Holy Innocents on December 28th, reminding us that evil has not left the world just because Jesus has come. 

I had known these things all my life, but it took a long time for me to understand just what a gift the Church gives us by her insistence that you cannot have the wood of the manger without the wood of the cross.

I had big dreams for my first married Christmas. We had married in January, so by Christmas I expected that my husband would have finished graduate school and found a lucrative job, we’d have a cute little house that I would have decorated from top to bottom, and if we didn’t have a baby in our arms yet, there would be one on the way.

In short, I was envisioning the picture-perfect end of a Hallmark movie and I couldn’t wait.

By December, it was clear that my vision wouldn’t be reality. My husband had finished school, but he’d discerned a call to teach college, and academic jobs are hard to come by at that time of the year. We were living with my parents to save money, so my few Christmas decorations were packed away. And we were beginning our struggle with infertility; I wouldn’t be holding a baby until our fourth married Christmas. That year, I shed more than a few tears over this reality that so starkly contrasted with what I had dreamed.

But the great feast happened anyway, and I found for the first time that I could really appreciate the miracle of Jesus being born into the mess of our world. 

He didn’t just descend from heaven as the divine Being He is, but chose to unite His divinity with our humanity. He didn’t erase the effects of Adam and Eve’s sin, but allowed us to reconcile ourselves with God and gave us the hope of Heaven. 

My plans may have been a mess, but Jesus was right there anyway.

This Advent and Christmas season may have been difficult. 2020 was, as we were continually reminded, a strange year, and the pandemic may have affected the plans you made for this holiday.

If you are a newlywed and you find yourself disappointed that your first married Christmas is different than you had envisioned, I understand. May you find comfort and hope in the Church’s celebration of this season, and knowing that wherever you are is where Jesus dwells. 

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

INSTAGRAM

Newlywed Life | All for Good

/

CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

Around the time my husband and I were approaching our first wedding anniversary, I sat in our small apartment reflecting. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

As I tried to prayerfully contemplate the gift the past year had been, with all its changes and newness, I remembered the question many friends and family members had asked amidst cheerful anniversary wishes: "What's surprised you the most so far in married life?" 

I really tried to think about it. I mean, there was a lot. I felt like I had learned so much about myself through the beautiful demands of marriage even just one year in. 

I scanned back through the moments that came most easily into my mind's eye. They were a mixture of good and bad and normal. Adventures and dates and last-minute trips we had taken, arguments and misunderstandings that revealed areas where we needed to heal and grow in virtue together, quiet nights just being in each other's presence.

It occurred to me as I leafed back through all those experiences that my feelings about the hard and ugly moments weren't full of the anger or hurt I felt living them. I was shocked at the sense of gratitude and strength that accompanied the memories. 

In places where I previously thought only resentment or shame could grow, there was peace. 

Something about the fact that we had passed through those painful moments and made it to the other side together was deeply gratifying. We forgave each other and stepped forward. We learned more about each other and how to better love. We tried harder every day.

Marriage draws us into such a beautifully unique kind of relationship. We show up, with our brokenness and baggage, seeking to be loved in entirety. Our spouse seeks the same from us. 

This reality is so central to our covenant. "I take you...to have and to hold, from this day forward...for better or worse...until death do us part." We stake our life on fidelity to that promise. In front of God, our family, our friends. 

It can be hard sometimes because we are broken people who love imperfectly. Sometimes we disappoint and hurt each other. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse. But here is the good news. God's very life was present in the exchange of those words, and He has never left us since.

It's such an encouragement to press into the difficult moments in our relationship with our spouse through the lens of the generosity of God. He wastes absolutely nothing. If we continue to seek Him in our lives, even in the midst of our brokenness and struggle, He will use it all for good. 

He will take those seemingly ugly and hard moments and craft them into evidence of how deeply we are loved. 

They can then become for us signs of how accepted we are by our spouse - that even at our worst, in times of selfishness or anger or whatever it may be, our spouse remains with us, chooses us, and we make it through. 

This is an image of the love God the Father has for us manifest in our spouse.

This is not to say that the pain of disagreements, arguments, and disappointments in marriage aren't real and can't be damaging to our relationship. It's not any kind of excuse for real harm done in the context of married love. That is never what God intended for us.

But it is a deep source of hope to know that as we strive to forgive and learn to love our spouse no matter what, we can find God's gracious presence for us in that space. 

We keep striving in marriage, and God uses that for good. Even the difficult, not-so-radiantly-beautiful married moments He uses for our sanctification – steps on our journey back to Him. 

The most surprising aspect of married life for me at the cusp of that first year, surprises me again and again and likely will forever: God has the power to use every aspect of our marriage to draw us closer to Him. 

May we all continue to be surprised by how God takes the imperfections in our marriages and uses them for good. He uses them to transform us and help us understand more deeply the character of His steadfast love.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

INSTAGRAM

Newlywed Life: Beyond the "Honeymoon Phase"

/

EMILY JANARO

 

It has been about two months since my wedding and yet somehow, the time feels longer than the ten and a half months I was engaged. Whenever I mention to people that I’m recently married, many respond with the common cliche: “Oh, so you’re in the honeymoon phase!” 

While smiling and nodding politely, I have found myself reflecting on the implications of that phrase. What does a “honeymoon phase” actually mean, and what do people imply when they use the expression?

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

I first experienced the term when my husband John Paul and I started dating during our undergraduate semester abroad in Rome. For obvious reasons, beginning a relationship in a foreign country was a whirlwind of excitement. There were endless date possibilities, weekend travel adventures, and beautiful churches on every street corner, in which we could pray about our budding relationship. It would be impossible to count the number of cappuccinos and gelatos we consumed during those three months. 

And to top it all off, it was the very first relationship I had ever been in. I woke up at 5 AM every single morning because I was too excited to sleep. By all definitions, John Paul and I were in the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship.

Yet even then I remember the resentment when someone labeled our relationship in that way.

By being in a “phase,” did that mean it was only a matter of time before the phase would be over and we would not be “madly in love” anymore?

Were our current feelings immature and silly, prevailing only in the absence of major challenges that would test our relationship?

I didn’t think so. 

Our relationship certainly changed when the semester ended and we faced a summer apart back in the States. John Paul and I lived an hour and a half apart--a distance closer than some couples have to navigate, though a lot further than adjacent apartment buildings in Rome. We learned the delicate art of texting and FaceTime without drowning in the muddy waters of miscommunication. 

Eventually, we went back to school for our senior year; another great opportunity for quality time and deepening our relationship.Then we graduated and spent another year miles apart. He started a full time job while I lived with my parents to save money and take prerequisites for grad school.

I understand where the framework for classifying a relationship into phases comes from, because the external challenge of a long distance relationship was a drastically different experience than our carefree Rome semester. In addition, I have no problem with acknowledging the reality that the honeymoon vacation I took with my husband had an end date when we came back to the “real world” and started work and school again. 

However, when people commonly use the term “honeymoon phase,” consciously or not, they assume the stereotype that hyper-romantic feelings of love will fade into a humdrum coexistence of bills, errands, and arguments. Date nights will hinge on rearranging work schedules or finding a babysitter. The thrill of newness is expected to disappear once the couple “gets used to each other.”

While movie love stories end with a honeymoon, our real life love story is just beginning with one.

I would much rather find out what is going to happen next than relive the comparatively short story leading up to our wedding day over and over. 

Maybe as a newlywed in the “honeymoon phase” of my marriage, I am unqualified to predict that in 20 years, I will be just as in love with my husband as I am now. Maybe I’m naive; blinded by the newness of physical intimacy and constant companionship. Obviously no one can have complete certainty of what the future may bring. But to live in fear that it will all go away and lead to break up or divorce is the main attitude that I want to reject. The spark of our love for each other doesn’t have to die if we continue to nourish it and feed the flame. If we are so focused on the flame going out, we will forget to do anything to keep it alive.

We can feed that flame in countless little ways that add up over the course of our lifetime. I still feel a thrill of excitement when my husband texts me to ask how my day is going, even though I know I will see him again in a few hours. Seeing a note on the refrigerator saying “I made you coffee! Love, JP” makes me feel the same way I did when he first told me he loved me. 

The little acts of service and affection that make up a marriage don’t get monotonous with time; on the contrary, they aggregate to create a relationship that is a combination of the flirty, childlike emotions and the deeper, more mature life experiences. JP and I are “getting used to each other” in the sense that there are a lot of new aspects of marriage. However, we are constantly discovering new things about each other and appreciating one another’s small daily sacrifices.

We were supposed to go to Rome for our honeymoon before the world pandemic hit, and we were pretty upset when those plans had to change. I had envisioned ten days of bliss, in which we would revisit all of our favorite places, go back to the restaurant where we had our first date, and probably get our marriage blessed by the Pope for good measure. 

Maybe a dream honeymoon like this is what people are thinking of when they describe the honeymoon phase, or when they imagine the honeymoon that romantic comedy protagonists will take as they drive into the sunset. I’m sure people don’t imagine a road trip to Branson, Missouri--which is what we ended up doing (and it was perfect).

But if changing our plans taught us anything, it was that a love rooted in Christ defies all external circumstances.

It defies unreasonable expectations, the media’s idea of perfection, and any challenge that could possibly come our way during a lifetime of marriage. Jesus never promises that there won’t be hardships in a marriage. 

Instead, He says, “In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world” . His promise to walk with us, individually and with our spouses, through all the hardships of life, should reassure us that faithful, beautiful love is very much a reality. We have nothing to fear as a couple as long as we rely on each other and on God.

John Paul and I have a favorite country song called “Then,” by Brad Paisley, that sweetly captures this love that gets stronger with age. It describes a couple’s life from dating to engagement to parenthood and old age. At every milestone, he thinks that there is no possible way he could ever love his wife more than he does. Every subsequent time he proves his younger self wrong. He sings the refrain: “We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in/ And I'll look at you and say/ ‘And I thought I loved you then.’ ” Those little moments of appreciation and self-gift keep adding up with time, until they realize their love has continued to grow--even when they thought they were in the honeymoon phase with the greatest amount of love possible.

It’s true: my husband and I are in this “honeymoon phase” of marriage, where the ups and the downs of life are awash with the rosy glow of newness. But rather than dreading the inevitable deterioration of our love, I can’t wait for whatever arbitrary “end” to the honeymoon phase that time may bring about, because I know our love will be transformed into a dazzling sunset by the end of our lives.

About the Author:  An English major turned Physical Therapy student, Emily Janaro loves to write creatively on her breaks from studying how the human body functions. She married her best friend John Paul in August of 2020 and together they live in Virginia. They have every coffee-making appliance known to man, and enjoy hosting friends and family to share a cup of joe (or something stronger).

INSTAGRAM

Holy Marriage Blesses the World

/

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Most Catholics probably understand on some level that the vocation of marriage benefits the world; it provides structure to our societies and produces children. We also know that marriage can model the love of God and lead us and others to holiness. 

But what do those words actually mean? How can our marriages actually accomplish this work in reality?

My first small glimpse of how my vocation to marriage affects the rest of the world occurred on my honeymoon. 

The day after our wedding, Dalton and I took a road trip to Orlando, where we would stay the night before embarking on our cruise the next day. After over a year of planning, we embraced a rare moment of spontaneity and decided to book our hotel in Orlando while we were on our way there. 

We found a reasonably-priced hotel near lots of shops and restaurants while we talked about the future and sang along to our honeymoon playlist during the ten-hour drive. It was utter bliss, absolutely how a honeymoon road trip should be.

But things took a turn for the strange when we finally pulled up to the hotel. 

Three fire trucks and an ambulance were parked outside. Dalton dropped me off at the front entrance, and I went inside to wait in the long check-in line.

But it wasn’t a check-in line. It was a line of disgruntled guests who were requesting room changes due to a strong odor of smoke from a fire in the hotel earlier that afternoon. 

Eavesdropping over the hotel soundtrack, I learned that no one was injured, but a lot of people were looking to be moved to the other side of the hotel. I wondered if we should just leave and try another place to stay. I was still wondering when it suddenly was my turn in line.

This is embarrassing to admit as an adult woman, but I still get uncomfortable sometimes when speaking with strangers, especially when I have to ask for something that I want. 

In this case, I awkwardly stated that I was checking into the hotel oh and by the way would it maybe be possible to not have a smoky room because it was my honeymoon?

The guy behind the counter looked visibly deflated. His shoulders sank, and he rubbed his eyes. It had clearly been a day. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said in a somber tone.

I felt terrible for asking. I thought again about changing our reservation. 

My thoughts turned to Dalton, waiting for me in the car. We’d have fun wherever we went.

I smiled, thinking about putting our playlist back on and driving around looking for another place to stay. Suddenly, I laughed out loud as I realized that the hotel loudspeaker was quietly playing “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel.

“Are y’all playing this on purpose?” I asked, still laughing.

The clerk looked at me blankly, and then suddenly he heard it too. We both laughed and had a moment where I could sense that we were seeing each other as humans for the first time, instead of just an awkward interaction.

“You know what? Let me do something,” he said, and he smiled as he typed on his keyboard.

He put us in a suite, far away from the smoke, and gave us vouchers for free breakfast the next day. We were both still smiling as I walked back to the car.

Such a simple moment, and yet I’ll never forget it. I was happy, overflowing with love from our wedding day and looking forward to the days to come. 

This joy had put everything in perspective for me, and it had been easy to laugh in the face of stress. 

My joy then touched this stranger, who looked like he had laughed for the first time all day.

Of course, not every day is day one of a honeymoon. It’s easy to spread happiness and peace when you are at peace yourself. 

Some days, it can be difficult to summon the energy for our daily obligations, much less a joyful attitude about getting things done. Still, the effort we put into sustaining joy in our marriages does not just benefit us. 

Fill up your husband’s coffee mug and send him to work with an extra-long hug. Send him a song that makes you think of him. Tell him that he makes you proud, thank him for doing something he’s always done. 

Surprise him, sing with him, love him.

You never know who else will benefit from the joy you share.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

INSTAGRAM | WEBSITE

5 Ways to Be Intentional in a Season of Transition

/

KATHERINE FINNEY

 

Throughout the short five years I’ve been married, my husband and I have moved four times in three cities--spread across different regions of the country, he’s been through three stages of medical training and job relocation, and we’ve had two kids--with one on the way. That’s a lot of transitions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Transitions are a normal part of relationships, but they can really wear us out and add a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives. I believe that if we approach transitions with intentionality—that is, with a sense of conviction and preparedness about how to handle transitions well—we will find a lot of grace hidden in the middle of the chaos. I’ve brainstormed a few ways to be intentional with your beloved during a major period of change:

Pray for each other. 

This seems obvious, but it’s often the thing that goes out of the window first. Wake up a little earlier (even if it’s just five or ten minutes), go to bed a little later, pray in the car out loud, whatever you have to do to make prayer a priority in this time. 

When everything else around you feels like it’s changing, there’s Someone who isn’t. Our relationship with God is the most important thing in our lives, and that doesn’t change during times of transition. Make it a priority to talk to God about the changes, and surrender the things that feel out of your control to him. Without prayer, you won’t be able to have a way to re-center; things will feel overwhelming, and temptation to despair will be very strong. You may find yourself despairing your relationship with your spouse. 

You may begin to doubt your own abilities as a capable spouse, parent, employee, etc. In order to keep these doubts and discouragements away as much as possible (because they’ll come no matter what sometimes), we need God to show us who he is and to show us who we are in his eyes. This comes through daily intentional prayer.

Be patient with your spouse. 

Look for ways he/she is still the person you fell in love with, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe you fell in love with your spouse’s ability to hold a captive audience in a group of people. Maybe you fell in love with his/her love of dancing or reading or fine art. Perhaps your spouse makes you laugh the most of anyone you know. Look for the ways your spouse still possesses these qualities and remind yourself that this person is still the person you fell in love with. 

It may feel like everything else around you is changing, including yourself and your spouse, but reminding yourself of who your spouse really is to you will help you stay united in the midst of the changes.

Try harder than before to speak your spouse’s love language. 

Leave notes for him/her if it’s words of affirmation. If it’s physical touch, give him/her a big hug after a long day of work. If your spouse really needs acts of service, look for ways to help that you know he/she would appreciate. Sometimes stepping outside of our own worries and anxieties to serve others really puts things into a positive perspective for us and helps us to stay less focused on ourselves and our own sorrows and more on what really matters.

Pick up some of the slack around the house (if you are physically able). 

There will be seasons when you are the one in need of help around the house; if that’s the season you’re in, embrace it. If, however, your spouse is the one primarily going through the changes, voluntarily pick up the slack around the house before it becomes a point of contention for you both. 

Sometimes I find myself waiting for my spouse to change a diaper or do the dishes, and I end up resenting him when he’s too busy to do it. Often I need to change my perspective and notice the things he is already doing to help. More often, I have an opportunity to be merciful and steadfast in my duties. If I can do this voluntarily and preemptively before resentment starts to grow in my heart, I find a lot of grace to do things I otherwise would deem too difficult.

Get your spouse (and maybe even yourself) a treat. 

My husband loves when I make him a homemade cocktail. That’s easy enough as long as we have the ingredients. Maybe some flowers or a thrifted book would be a good way to show your spouse you’re thinking of him/her and enduring this time of transition together. Brainstorming ideas for this can be fun too!

Overall, times of transition are often just really difficult. Sometimes we’ll feel like we have a good grip on what’s going on, and other times we’ll just need to ride the chaos until we feel settled again. Don’t forget to pray, and everything else will take care of itself.

About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

INSTAGRAM | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

The Three Methods of Natural Family Planning--and How to Choose the One for You

/

BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

Exasperated, I looked at my fiance. We discussed NFP while dating and during engagement; we recognized the importance and the need for NFP in our marriage to help us grow in holiness. Although I had been charting for a few years and found great freedom in understanding my fertility and advocating for my health care needs, we didn’t realize there were so many different methods to choose from. 

We had scheduled a time to pick a Natural Family Planning (NFP) method during our engagement, but it was difficult to create a pros and cons list of each method and choose one to pursue as a couple. We thought that work had already been done, but here we were, 3 hours later, more frustrated than ever. 

It was through this experience that I founded Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

I didn’t want women and couples to experience what we had gone through; I desire to help facilitate conversations, create pros and cons lists, and simplify picking a method to help women—and their spouses—learn your body, embrace your fertility, and confidently move forward in your marriage.

So, you might be reading this and nodding along, frustrated by a similar situation. Maybe you don’t quite understand the importance of NFP in married life. Or maybe you want to find a different method, but you’re intimidated by all the options.

It can feel daunting. This is the method you are choosing to help you prayerfully discern family planning and embracing new life! But, as my (now) husband and I learned, and are learning, the many options help us to live out different seasons of married life together—prayerfully, open, and discerning every month. 

Let’s start at the beginning and review the foundation of NFP, so you and your partner feel confident picking a method, and can embrace this teaching of the Catholic Church with great joy and confidence! 

What is Natural Family Planning (NFP)?

Natural Family Planning is the definition given by the Catholic Church that supports the teaching on human sexuality and science of tracking fertility. The Catholic Church does not support the use of contraception of any kind as a means to avoid pregnancy. Rather, the Catholic Church supports a holistic approach of the woman (and couple, working together) tracking her cycles and determining fertile and infertile times. If the couple has prayerfully discerned avoiding pregnancy, abstinence is practiced during fertile times.

In 1972, the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development and the Human Life Foundation co-sponsored an international conference for NFP. Experts from around the world were in attendance and it was at this conference that the definition was developed to encompass the three commonly used methods: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal. Then, in 1976, the World Health Organization (WHO) provided an official definition: “the naturally occurring physiological manifestation of fertile and infertile phases of the menstrual cycle”.

The Catholic Church supports fertility awareness based methods (FABMs), which are a way to track fertile and infertile times during the reproductive cycle and based on daily observations, which fluctuate each cycle. During fertile times, abstinence is practiced to avoid pregnancy. 

You may hear the term Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs) trending in news articles and social media, so it’s important to know that these methods also track fertile and infertile times and follow daily observations of the cycle, but the difference is that barrier methods are used during fertile periods. And the Catholic Church doesn’t condone the use of barrier methods during fertile times to avoid pregnancy.

How many methods are there?

Now that we have the foundation of NFP and the two different umbrella terms for various methods (FABMs and FAMs), it’s time to break down the methods available under FABMs that are safe, effective, and supported by the Catholic Church and science (these go hand-in-hand and work together)!

There are three different types of FABMs: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal.

Hormonal-only method | Detects production of key fertility hormones with daily at-home urine tests with an electronic fertility monitor and cross checking it with daily cervical mucus observations.

Mucus-only method | Teaches users how to observe biomarkers during the phases of the menstrual cycle, specifically, through observing and charting changes in the color and consistency of cervical mucus.

Sympto-thermal method | Based on the observations of cervical fluid, basal body temperature (waking temperature) and biological signs (i.e. changes in the cervix).

Under each of these methods, there are various organizations and instructors available, so that you can pick a method that works best for you.

Which one should I choose?

It is a great fortune to have so many options available. Although it can seem stressful, a variety of methods means you can pick what works best for you based on your season of life and lifestyle.

If you are someone who thrives on a schedule and wakes up at the same time every morning, the sympto-thermal method may be a great option for you because it not only requires checking cervical mucus throughout the day, you have an additional checkpoint of taking your temperature at the same time every morning.

Maybe you are expecting a baby and you would like to track your fertility postpartum, but know that hormones are adjusting and your fertility may not come back for a few months, so hormonal-only is a great option. It checks hormone levels in your urine and uses an electronic fertility monitor, while cross-checking mucus to help you navigate those early months as a new mom and beyond.

Perhaps you want something simple and you want to track your cervical mucus, preferring to learn one thing at a time. Then, the mucus-only methods are the best option for you! Checking your cervical mucus is a part of each method and may be just what you need to get started.

Take your time to learn about each method and ask questions of practitioners, so you feel comfortable and confident with the method you choose to move forward in your marriage.

Wherever you and your partner may be in your journey together, I hope this encourages you and inspires you to know that the Catholic Church supports you in understanding your body, recognizing the beauty of your fertility, and relying on scientific research that supports a holistic approach to your health. This journey is not easy, but it is rewarding to put in the work and understand how incredible your body truly is!

For additional professional NFP support and coaching, Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide includes several NFP Instructors.

If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

INSTAGRAM

The Beautiful Wounds: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

Staying Strong When your Spouse has a Demanding Job

/

KATHERINE FINNEY

 

My husband is in his 28th year of school this year. Yes, you read that correctly. He is 32-years-old and is currently a fellow at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, which puts him in his 28th year of receiving some sort of formal education. 

When we got married, I thought the idea of being married to someone in residency would be like a fun adventure. I knew his schedule would be crazy, but I figured the challenges of this state of life would be something we could have fun tackling together. Reality has turned out to be quite different from my expectation. 

I am no expert in being married to someone in training. I’m really no expert in marriage either. But I have been married for five years, and in every one of those five years my husband has been in medical training; my only experience of marriage has been as a wife of a resident (and now a fellow). Goals have been accomplished, but we’re still struggling through training. The light is getting brighter and closer, but the darkness behind us can still be a little hard to reflect on.

If I could give myself advice before entering into marriage with someone just starting residency (or any transient stage of training, continued education, etc), I’d say the following:

Pray. 

This is a Catholic blog, so it may seem necessary to include prayer. But here’s what I mean. There will be times when you will wonder when will be the next time you can sit down and have a meal together. There will be times when you feel like you don’t even know who the person sleeping next to you is anymore, because you never see him/her. In these times, you may feel numb and want to give up. I beg you to pray. Pray in a particular way to tangibly receive the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage. This prayer will be answered, and you will know it when it does. Praise God in those moments.

Make sacramental prayer a priority and habit. 

Again, an obvious recommendation for a Catholic blog. But again, without the grace of the Eucharist and the healing power of Confession, how do you expect to be able to receive the graces of your Sacrament of Marriage? Go to Jesus in the Eucharist, because he will be the one to get you through the hardest patches of this trying time.

Let go of expectations, and let go of comparisons. 

You may know a couple or couples in similar situations as you. They may even be Catholic, prayerful people. Do not live your life by comparing your relationship to theirs. Do not expect yourself to keep up with their timelines (of having kids, buying a house, achieving goals within residency/training).

Every couple is different and is called uniquely to their specific vocation. Every couple has different emotional, mental, physical struggles and strengths. Your way of doing things can be different than couples in similar situations to you. The only people who should be involved in a couple’s decisions should be the husband, wife, and God--and helpful spiritual directors/advisors as you see fit. Residency is hard enough to get through without the pressures of expectations you place on yourself to keep up with what others are doing.

Find a support system. 

Surrounding yourself with a community of support, especially if you’re away from family or are having children, is vital. Being away from family with small kids is no joke. When your village is far away, find people who can be your village. Be a village for them too. If possible, find couples in similar situations who are also far from home, so that you can support each other during holidays, postpartum recovery time, or extended periods away from family.

Remember your mission. 

You have been called to serve or to heal. Remember you’ve been called to something greater than yourself. I find that when I view the challenges of being a resident’s wife as part of my missionary call, I’m more inclined to embrace the challenges rather than to run from or resent them. The challenges don’t get easier, but they have purpose when I look at them as part of a greater call.

I asked my husband if he had anything to add to this, from the perspective of both the husband and the trainee/doctor in the situation. Here’s what he had to say:

Go on dates, at least once a month!

Residency (and parenthood) are roles that demand tremendous amounts from an individual; the external pressures can make it all too easy to neglect your marriage. Don’t let that happen! Initially, I tried to connect with my wife while I was also doing something else (preparing for the next day, cleaning the dishes, changing a diaper). But there is something about undivided attention and unquestionable intention that is so much better.

When we started going on dates more consistently, I noticed a huge improvement in our relationship together as well as an improvement in our interactions with the kids. If you are a parent, find some other parents that are looking to go on dates, and do a parent swap to save money on babysitters.

Take time to pray daily. 

During training, I found this to be very effective on the way to and from work. I pray on the way to work every day, which allows me to center myself and be committed to providing the best care possible for my patients before seeing them. Praying in my car after work also provided a timely transition to recap the day—what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what can be done to improve things--before being present to my family.

About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

INSTAGRAM | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Setting Priorities Straight: A Responsibility of Marriage

/

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Through the sacrament of marriage, each spouse is empowered with grace and commissioned to love beyond comfort.  

Husbands and wives not only receive the gift of marriage, but also the responsibility of marriage. A responsibility to uphold your spouse, and your marriage, as the top priority in your life.  

In so many facets of our lives, we are pressured to believe that everything should be ‘the most important thing.’ In the workforce, we work long hours and bring work home—literally or emotionally. In the social setting, we overcommit our schedule and strive to keep up with the latest trends. Even at church, we can be pulled in many directions. 

A vocation to marriage helps us simplify our priorities by defining the most important things: God, spouse, children, and everything else. In that order.  

We are filled by the love of God in order to pour love into the lives of others. I’ve heard of an image of an overflowing glass to help visualize this truth. 

Imagine yourself as an empty glass. You receive the love of God which fills you to the brim. But God’s love, mercy and grace is infinite; so as you continue to receive the love of God beyond your fill, the overflowing contents spill from your capacity to others’ lives. Through our vocation, we are called to pour into our spouses first—and always. 

The beautiful and serious thing about this responsibility is that no one can do it for you and no one can do it as well as you. 

God has journeyed alongside you into this vocation. From the single years, through dating and engagement, and beyond the exchange of vows, he has been by your side. When a heart is receptive to his grace, God provides the strength and wisdom to make sacrifices for love. 

Satan is attacking marriages and families; Saint John Paul II says, “as the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” We are berated by the devil’s temptation to choose anything over God and family, because the conditions of our world mirror the conditions in our families.  

Because the threat of temptation is so real, the call to prioritize your marriage is even more important. You are called to love God, love yourself, and love your spouse in good times and in bad. You have vowed to say “yes” to love in sickness and in health. You are empowered to be the best version of yourself and bring out the best of your spouse all the days of your lives. 

Choosing your spouse and making them a priority is oftentimes a sacrifice. And choosing your spouse each day is a gift, an act of faith and love. 

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

You and Your Spouse Are Works in Progress.

/

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Raise your hand if you thought marriage would change you into the most perfect version of yourself.

...Tell me I’m not the only one with my hand in the air?

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography, seen in Coleen + Matt | Airy Elegance Wedding

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography, seen in Coleen + Matt | Airy Elegance Wedding

Throughout my engagement, I prayed daily for the Lord to form me into the wife he wanted me to be. I asked for the graces of healthy communication, a forgiving heart, and the strength to overcome my bad habits. And yet.

As we settled into our first apartment after our honeymoon, I nitpicked as we cooked dinner, showing my husband the way I liked to chop garlic. I continued my longtime habit of forgetting to turn on the bathroom fan during a shower. I let our time between laundry days stretch to college-student lengths. 

I knew the sacrament of marriage was transformative in the grand scale of my life. What I’d also expected, while hardly realizing it, was that I also thought it would transform me in smaller, more mundane ways. But as I grappled with my same old controlling, bathroom-fogging, laundry-ignoring tendencies, this time with an audience of my husband, I saw that I was still me. Still the woman I was, in all my strengths and especially in my failures, before my wedding day. I now see that’s how it was supposed to be.

It’s true that in matrimony we become really and permanently one with our spouses. An echo of the heavenly wedding feast. In this life, though, as heaven and earth reach toward each other, some transformation requires our own agency. A decision to cooperate with God’s grace. I thought entering a new state of life would change the parts of myself I was unhappy with. But in reality, it was a new opportunity to make those changes, and it was up to me. 

In my realization that getting married didn’t automatically eradicate my biggest weaknesses, I started trying to see my disillusionment—literally, the lifting of a veil—not as an end point, but an invitation.

In my marriage, I’m not called to stay the same forever, but to change. It’s my choice whether to take action, pursuing change for the better, or to let my struggles remain static. To keep them in the dark and blunder on in refusal. Through the love of a forgiving husband who calls me on in my failings and invites me to do the same for him, the Lord purifies and reshapes us both. He asks if we will let him show us the path to true growth and fulfillment. 

His voice beckons: I am with you always.

Have you had a similar experience of expecting marriage to change you? Even now, several years into this call, I still have foolish, fleeting thoughts that I can pray my shortcomings away without actually taking practical steps toward living out my vocation better.

We are all works in progress, and the Father is merciful, there alongside us. I’m reminded of St. Teresa of Calcutta’s words: “I used to think that prayer changes things,” she said. “But now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.”

Whether you’re anticipating your marriage to come, living out the first months of newlywed life, or deep into your vocation and wondering how to grow, may each of us--me included--open ourselves to constant transformation and a deeper understanding of Love’s demands.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM 

Allow Perfect Love to Drive out Fear.

/

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

I remember the the insecurities of my heart as a single woman: intimidated by the inherent beauty of womanhood, afraid of being taken advantage of, unaware of the love God shares with the human heart. 

We are affirmed through Scripture that “perfect love drives out fear.” No matter the wounds we bring into relationships, God desires that all of his children experience love with both purity and passion. 

When I started dating the man I would eventually marry, I feared an encounter of passion without purity. Is he just looking at me or does he really see me? Is this a safe relationship to be vulnerable or will I be taken advantage of when I let my guard down?  

I erred on the side of self-protection. With no vulnerability, physical or emotional, there was no opportunity to be the object of someone else’s physical or emotional lust. In short, I was so afraid of being used that I was unable to receive—let alone offer—an honest act of love. 

My then-boyfriend was frustrated yet courageous as he remained patient, honest, and steadfast. And as he pursued me, I felt an increasing desire to pursue Christ. 

Christ instills confidence; through adoration, spiritual reading, and daily Mass, my heart began to soften at opportunities to share my heart with others—despite the potential risks. The ongoing encounters with pure love from a human man and perfect love from God the Father was a catalyst for my heart to more-fully reveal itself. 

When our hearts are exposed, our souls are vulnerable yet free. Free to establish and fulfill a steady identity in God. Free to love and be loved. Free to live abundantly in the spirit. Free to be fruitful in the vocations and Vocation of our lives. 

We don’t have to anxiously wait for a pure and perfect love to find us. God offers each of us his most Sacred Heart, on fire with love and purity, in our day-to-day lives; most powerfully through the Eucharist. He is waiting to tear down the walls we build out of hopeless fear. And as his perfect love drives out fear, we begin to experience life in new ways. 

For some, the freedom found in Christ may grow in tandem with a romantic relationship. But this is not the only freedom offered through God who is love! As fear fades, a life of adventure, joy, hope, and love comes into stronger clarity. When a heart is set free, everything changes.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Ministry Opportunities for Newlyweds

/

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Have you experienced “retreat high?” That feeling of ending a weekend with the Lord renewed in your faith, a fire within, affirmed in your identity, ready to bring the Gospel to everyone you encounter?

I had a wedding high.

My husband and I had heard the frequent adage that the first year of marriage would be the hardest. Yet in the joy of finally spending every day and night together after a long-distance engagement, we expressed to each other our surprise that all of the expected challenges of newlywed life felt like ones outside of us, rather than conflicts between us. 

For us, the graces of our new marriage were most evident in our resulting desire to serve other young couples.

We wondered, though, if being “new” at marriage meant we couldn’t offer as much as spouses who’d been married longer and been through more of their vocations’ trials. What we eventually realized was that our newlywed state had fruits of its own, and that couples in every season of married life, from the honeymoon phase through new parenthood, times of suffering, and on into later life, can illuminate particular truths about the heart and bless others by their experiences.

If, as a married couple--perhaps in a new parish--you and your spouse also desire to minister to other engaged and newlywed couples, consider these suggestions.

Serve your parish youth group.

As a high schooler, I remember being struck by the evident happiness and, well, normalness of the several married couples who served as youth leaders. Their sweet attentiveness to each other, strong prayer lives, frequent partaking of the sacraments, and willingness to explain their choices to follow Church teachings made an impact and played a major role in my hopes for a holy, strong, and tender husband.

Are you looking for community? Read 4 tips for becoming a part of parish life.

If your parish has a youth group, consider that simply by being who you are, and just slightly older than the youth you're able to set an example of prayer, chastity, and the pursuit of becoming fully alive in Christ.

Consider a role as educators.

Did any areas of your marriage prep particularly resonate? With your spouse, discern the possibility of sharing your experiences with communication, spirituality, Natural Family Planning, or the adjustment to married life. You might share your stories as a mentor couple or pursue certification in NFP education.

Foster community.

Ministry doesn't need to be formal to be fruitful! If you and your spouse are drawn to the charism of hospitality, you might host weekly or monthly gatherings for other couples in your parish or area. A loose structure of fellowship plus discussion encourages friendships rooted in virtue and gives you companions in the start of your vocation. Consider a potluck meal, followed by a group study, spiritual reading, or viewing a series from Formed.org. 

What if you're drawn to a quieter role?

Embrace the gifts the Holy Spirit places on your heart and trust that the unique way you embody and use your gifts are the most needed for the time and place where you are. One on one friendships with other brides, attending Sunday Mass with your spouse, being honest and authentic in your encounters; all of these speak volumes.

If and when you and your spouse feel called to serve and minister in the Church, know that your witness—in whatever form it takes—is meaningful and draws attention to the Father, the source of all love and communion.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM 

Newlywed Life | Yours, Mine and Ours: Sharing Ownership of Belongings Reveals a Shared Life

/

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

For me and my husband, moving into our first house was a bit unorthodox. Two weeks after our wedding, we moved to Japan and into a hotel on a military base. Two weeks after hotel-living, we were granted access to our new home with temporary furniture. Two weeks after residing in a home together, my husband was sent off on his first deployment. Two weeks after he deployed, our shipment of household goods arrived for me to unpack and organize. 

I felt a tension of emotion in this experience. On the one hand, I was saddened that I could not share this time with my husband, especially because I was opening many wedding gifts for the first time. On the other hand, I could turn up the music and take my time nesting into our new home, preparing it as a gift for his highly anticipated homecoming! 

With every emptied box, our separate contributions were combined within our home. Our extra bedroom, which became an office, was the most visual representation of this new shared ownership of our marriage. His and her pens came together in one jar. His and her book collections came together on one bookshelf. His and her computers were placed on one table. His and her picture frames were displayed in one gallery wall. 

“What’s mine is yours” became really real. With great joy, I realized I married into the three-part Jason Bourne movie series! And with great humility, I relinquished complete possession to my own personal closet and bathroom storage. 

The tangible experience of bringing our things into one home reveals a new shared life. It is simple—almost common sense—but it is profound. Only in marriage are two hearts bound together in an eternal, covenantal union. The environment of our first shared home is the visual representation of this truth. 

Now, one year into marriage, I look in our kitchen and see the heart of our home. I look at our bookshelf and see our growing collection of hobbies, travel guides, and conversations. I look into our original office and I see our first baby’s nursery--the most abundant representation of the union of our love, in a new life. 

Just as our hearts and minds have grown more intimately together through the experiences of our first year of marriage, our home has flourished into a place of complete shared ownership. 

Even more, the home is a place for rest, hospitality, sorrow, joy, relationships, and growth. What realities, what truths, are made visible through the environment of the home and through your experience of sharing ownership with your spouse? 

If you are considering living with a significant other before marriage, consider what it means that the visible reality of your home miscommunicates the the invisible reality of your vocation; though your tangible belongings begin to come together, your lives are not covenantally bound until after receiving the sacrament of marriage.

If you are married, in what ways does your home represent and reveal a truth about the growing unity between you and your spouse? 

The fullness of God’s joy is received when our visible lives reveal his image; we reveal him by becoming who he created us to be. May our lives, and our homes, be a platform to reveal the mystery of the free, total, faithful, and fruitful love of marriage.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Surprises | What I Didn't See Coming

/

CADENCE MCMANIMON

 

“Could you hand me the curry?” I asked, shredding some lettuce.

“Sure,” my new husband replied, then turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. “But we’re having tuna wraps?”

“Yes, thus the curry,” I confirmed.

“What?”

We stared at each other quizzically across the kitchen table.

Most brides work hard to be prepared for marriage. My fiance, Chris, and I felt armed against all the common complaints concerning newlywed life. Child planning? Already taken care of with NFP classes. Theology of the body? Two book studies gave us a good grasp. Moving? We arranged his little apartment well ahead of time. Scheduling family events and work shifts? We’d been sharing a calendar for several months by then. We were prepared.

And then Chris and I actually got married. During the first six months, a few issues crept up seemingly out of left field. Nobody had warned us about them! Most weren’t a big deal, and some continued to be fun to explore as we went along. It’s awesome to keep discovering new things about your spouse in the first year of marriage!

So if you’re getting married soon, don’t be surprised if…

Grocery lists suddenly become unfamiliar.

Remember the curry confusion? Chris and I ate slightly different diets, just enough to make a weekly grocery list look a little funky. I had never eaten quinoa, but it was a staple in my fiance’s dinners. He wasn’t big into tomatoes or pastas, whereas I lived on Italian. This was one of those areas that could have been trouble, but turned out to be a lot of fun! I’m no Martha Stewart, but experimenting with new dishes together was a great way to design a pantry for our happy and healthy start. Keep in mind, if you or your fiance have any kind of food allergy or intolerance, plan some meals together beforehand. You’ll thank yourself for double-checking ingredients when you sit down for dinner together regularly.

Your family has anxiety about you leaving.

I’d lived at home almost all my life and was heavily involved in my little siblings’ daily routines. Not having me there every day was a big switch for them. The first few months of our marriage involved lots of letters and video chats between me and my littlest siblings, one of whom truly believed he would never see me again after the wedding. (Seriously, he cried for three hours on our wedding day.) My parents and grown siblings didn’t need the same level of reassurance, but it was still tough for them in other ways. If this becomes your situation, remember to have patience with anyone coping with your new transition--especially if you moved far away or won’t be able to visit on a regular basis. It’s not just you who has to get used to these changes.

You wake up and wonder who in the world got into your bed!

This one was probably harder for my husband than for me. Although I am a light sleeper by nature, I’d been sharing beds with sisters my entire life. Chris, on the other hand, had been used to his own bed for twenty-eight years. To say he was used to sleeping alone is an understatement! Sleeping in a new bed with a new person can be more of a shock to your system than you expect, no matter how much you love your new spouse. Don’t worry, though; in under a week we were both sleeping fine. In fact, your body may get so used to having your beloved beside you, you won’t be able to sleep without them!

Storage takes you by surprise.

I love decluttering, organizing, and keeping space free and empty. Chris doesn’t have a problem with storing things away “just in case” or because they’re sentimental. It was interesting how differently we approached . . . stuff. Honestly, I think we are learning a few good things from each other in this area. I tend to throw things away, even if a few months later it would have come in handy. Chris helps me remember to think ahead, and I help him decide which of those twenty-five Christmas cards are special enough to keep in the “memories box.” Couples may not think to discuss their clutter or organization habits, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when differences come up. It’s just stuff, after all. Have fun collaborating on methods that work for both of you, and be open to new ideas!

Technology habits block quality time.

We all know how easy it is to spend too much time on our phones, but we often don’t realize just how much time we’re on them. A quick scroll at breakfast, checking media before bed, or a couple videos during a workout adds up quickly. Chris was in graduate school during our entire engagement and used his laptop and phone for hours every evening for homework. I work online, so much of my day was spent on a computer as well. When we got married, our ingrained screen schedules didn’t exactly line up with one another. Sometimes I’d be working well after he got home, or he’d have his phone out at dinner to check up on news and weather. We’ve built better habits by making sure my work hours line up with his, our meals and bedtime are free of phones, and one hour each evening is set aside for technology-free time together.

Chris and I are still newlyweds, just coming up on our first anniversary, so this list is far from exhaustive. But I hope it gives you a taste of the great adventure you are about to embark on. No matter how many little surprises or big changes arise, your new spouse is worth each and every one! If you work together and prioritize each other, discoveries like these can become delightful collaborations. 

Even prepping a quick quinoa dish or sprinkling curry into the tuna can serve as a happy reminder of just how much two can become one in marriage.

About the Author: Cadence McManimon is a published author and a special education teacher. She writes various types of fiction including Christian, historical, and fantasy. Cadence has always loved the creative world of art and music and took up writing during her years-long battle with Lyme disease. Her novels Name Unspoken and The Lily Girl are available on her website. Her favorite things include crayons, sarcasm, Sherlock Holmes, and hearing from readers!

WEBSITE | GOODREADS

Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness into Newlywed Life

/

KATE THIBODEAU

 

Have you felt a surprising sense of losing independence or control after your wedding day? If you’ve experienced this in uniting your life with your husband’s, I understand. 

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

As an independent thinker and doer throughout my life, before marriage I took pride in going about my daily plans and crafting a great big future for myself. Seeing this resourcefulness bloom as a single adult, I enjoyed my self-reliance. I used my motivation to push myself in planning each future endeavor, from daily meals to progress towards my degree or future career.

Marriage throws a wrench in your independence when you realize you are no longer a lone ranger in complete control of your future.

While we usually recognize we are sacrificing ourselves, both body and soul, at the altar, this loss is felt more keenly in the field when we live out our marriage vows together day by day. 

 As a newlywed, I loved including my husband in my daily plans, spending as much time together as possible. Having survived a distance engagement, we were so enthralled by the opportunity of finally living as one and uniting our daily lives. 

However, after the first few months passed, I realized the difficulty of fully involving another’s thoughts, comforts, and wishes into my everyday decisions. Maybe I didn’t plan to cook tonight, for instance, but he would love a full meal after a hard day: a death to selfishness.

 These everyday inconveniences could be thrown aside with a bit of resolution and love for my spouse. Of course spouses want to accommodate and serve each other. However, the impact of losing this control over your own self and circumstances is a bigger trial. Life becomes completely shared with your spouse--something I was to learn sooner than expected.

My picture-perfect plans for my life, and our unified existence, was shaken by opportunities for trust. The first of these experiences came in the form of allowing myself to consider starting our family sooner than I had planned. In following Natural Family Planning, my husband and I were perpetually open to life, but coming into our marriage, we--rather, I--had been quite clear in the  expectation to attempt to delay pregnancy until a certain number of years had passed. 

 Marriage is compromise accompanied by trust. It shone through brilliantly when I quickly realized my husband’s desire to become a father was growing, and my preconceived notions were founded in a sense of doubt and denial that God could be calling us--calling me--sooner.

As a self recognized control-freak, I would gladly welcome our family’s future wrapped neatly in a box, signed, addressed, and dated with each big event dutifully marked in my planner. 

However, my vocation calls me to fluidity in our plans, to openness to the needs of my spouse and his ability to help support our family, and to patient trust in God’s providence. We must commit to ongoing communication about the direction of the adventure God should decide to take us. Whether that be moving where our careers call or sacrificing comfort for the security of our family, we must always trust in God’s leading hand to point us in the right direction. For when has he failed us before?

As newlyweds, our need to rise above the selfishness of our natures is a daily challenge. God does not call the weak to the vocation of marriage, but he does grant us regular opportunities to strive for virtue. Our vices in our single lives shine through more blatantly when met with the sacrifice needed for a fruitful marriage. 

 The drastic change from the single life to dependency upon your spouse can be jarring and uncomfortable. My experience, however, proves my husband and I feel most unified when allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, allowing God to direct our lives. 

Marriage is not only a death to self, but a death to pride, independence, and all the qualities that drive us to feel in control. 

It is a daily sacrifice to take my husband’s needs and desires into account, and a bigger challenge still to entrust our lives into the hands of an all-knowing God.

I do not pretend to be anywhere near overcoming my desire to be in control or in the know regarding our future. Yet I know the graces of marriage allow us to grow in virtue, both together and as individuals. 

 Rest assured that your vocation to marriage will lead you to a greater understanding of your personal vices, accompanied with a deeper desire to pursue a death to them. I challenge you, and myself, to continuously invite trust in God’s direction for your marriage, and seek to lift up selfishness in prayer. 

In those newlywed moments when you feel disconnected or disillusioned by the ideals of your perfectly planned life, know you are where God desires you to be. He is calling you to a greater future with your husband. A greater holiness.

 About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to angel baby, Charlotte Rose, and new Baby Lizzy, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK