Vendor Week 2021 | Evangelizing Through Your Wedding Mass

JOY FOSTER & MARY DORHAUER

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Your wedding liturgy offers a wonderful opportunity to witness not just the love you and your fiancé share, but also the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and sacrificial love. There are subtle but profound ways you can evangelize to your wedding guests, all within the guidelines the Church has for liturgy. 

Your guest list likely includes not just practicing Catholics, but also fallen-away Catholics, confused Catholics, Protestant and Orthodox Christians, and those of other beliefs, or even no beliefs at all. 

In fact, your wedding may be the first time someone has set foot in a Catholic Church or their first return in decades, and yet, they are there out of love for you and your fiancé!

With this consideration, make your ceremony a beautiful and welcoming exposure to the Catholic Faith.

Even for a small wedding, having greeters in the vestibule to hand out programs (or direct to a table or stand where the programs or worship aids are) is a nice touch and offers a place in the wedding party for a young teen or a friend that offers to help. Ushers are also a helpful escort, even for a smaller wedding, because some guests may not know where they should appropriately sit in a Catholic Church (many of our weddings utilize the groomsmen to help seat the arriving guests).

For those getting married in the Ordinary Form of the Mass (or having a liturgy of the Word ceremony), you are able to select readings from the Old Testament, Psalms, New Testament, and the Gospel. 

Those selections can vary from country to country, the liturgical season may alter a few options, and if you are getting married on a solemnity, the readings for that day will be your ceremony or Mass readings. 

When it comes to selecting your readings, take time with your fiancé to carefully read over the options. Be intentional with it!

This is a great time to practice some Lectio Divina, as each reading will give you some insight into marriage and your overall Christian life.

Check with your priest or deacon to see how he typically prefers to address the homily. Some priests will write one based on your readings and customize it to you and your fiancé. Others tend to have a “set homily” for weddings, and while they will of course, customize it to be fitting for you and your beloved, it may not specifically address your selected readings. 

This is important to know if you have chosen a reading such as Ephesians 5:22 or 1 Peter 3, as both are often misunderstood or misinterpreted, even among Catholics, and can sound uncomfortable to non-Catholic ears. If you choose either of these beautiful readings, we highly recommend asking your priest to explain and expand on them from a Catholic viewpoint during his homily. 

If one or both of you are recent converts to Catholicism and your conversion caused some serious contention with a beloved immediate family, know that it is perfectly okay to go with some of the more well known and easily interpreted readings like Genesis or Song of Songs, instead of Tobit or Sirach (which are more difficult for a layperson to understand). You know your family the best and a ceremony where the readings are common to both Catholics and Protestants may be the best option for harmony. 

For those marrying in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass or on a Solemnity, we still encourage you to practice Lectio Divina over the Sacred Scripture options for the Ordinary Form Nuptial Mass and include a favorite verse or two on your wedding program or worship aid, just as you would with a message to your guests or a “thank you for being part of our special day.”

Another custom that can be confusing to those outside the Church is a Marian Devotion or the practice of bringing flowers to an altar or statue of the Blessed Mother. 

Asking your priest to give a brief explanation as you prepare may help guests understand the significance of the moment which usually takes place right after the vows or after everyone is seated after Holy Communion. If your priest prefers not to give an explanation on this custom, have it in your program so non-Catholic guests understand that we aren’t “worshiping Mary,” but asking for her heavenly, intercessory prayers.

Pope Saint John Paul II tells us that “All men and women are entrusted with the task of creating their own life; in a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece!” Similarly, your wedding may be seen as a work of art to others. 

The church building, with its art and architecture, the beauty of the hymns, and the solemn tradition of Catholic worship, are all a witness to your guests about the dignity and glory found in the Catholic Church. 

Strive to make your wedding Mass as touching, beautiful, and welcoming to your guests as possible. We aren’t always privileged to know what parts of our lives God has used to affect a change in someone else, and it’s a wonderful thought that your wedding ceremony might not just bring you and your fiance together, but might also bring another person back into the fold of the Church!


About the Author: Joy Foster and Mary Dorhauer are co-owners and wedding planners of Something Blue, a company dedicated to Catholic Weddings.

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Vendor Week 2021 | Stress-Free Catholic Wedding Programs

EMILY CONSTANCE

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

There are so many little details when it comes to planning a wedding. 

As a wedding photographer, I had some idea what to expect, but it was so different being on the ‘bride’ side of things instead of ‘vendor’ side of things. 

One of the often overlooked, but important pieces for a Catholic wedding is the program. Here are some tips I learned during my own wedding planning experience to ensure that this is one detail you won’t stress about!

Start Early

When it came to my wedding programs, I had planned to create them in Photoshop with gorgeous metallic fonts and floral designs printed on special paper to really create that WOW factor. But in reality, I waited until the last minute so I thought I was going to have to  just eliminate the programs all together. 

With the stress around planning a wedding, wedding programs might not be on the top of your to-do list. But since they are so important, especially with helping non-Catholic wedding guests understand and follow your ceremony, I’d recommend not leaving them until the last minute.

Enlist the help of family and friends

Instead of forgoing a program, my mom came to the rescue! She designed and assembled all 200 of my wedding programs with the help of my dad. I couldn’t have done it without them!

You can easily delegate the task of designing, printing, and/or assembling wedding programs to family members and friends. 

Design first, print later

If I were to plan a wedding again today, I would start the design process for my programs earlier to give myself time to create something beautiful and beneficial to my guests. Then I would print the programs closer to the wedding to allow for any last minute changes.

Find the right template

One of the roadblocks I ran into to was - What exactly do you put in a Catholic wedding ceremony program? There are plenty of non-religious program templates on Etsy and Pinterest. But I wanted our program to reflect our faith and be easy to follow for all of our non-Catholic guests. 

My mom purchased blank wedding programs and designed them in the word editor on her computer.  You can also buy Catholic-specific wedding program templates to make sure that your program has everything your guests need to enter into the beauty of your wedding mass. 


About the Author: Emily Constance is a Catholic wedding photographer serving Tulsa, OK and surrounding areas with 10 years of experience. She loves her faith and uses her knowledge to help guide Catholic couples both professionally and personally through their special day. She loves capturing the joy that radiates from couples, as well as the timelessness and beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage.

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Introducing The Spoken Bride Community! | Our New Platform for Dialogue, Prayer & Relationship.


Spoken Bride’s mission is rooted in a culture of encounter: the power of dialogue, goodness, truth, beauty, and holy marriages to draw others into the loving heart of our Creator. 

Earlier this year when we felt a nudge to forge deeper personal connections--true encounter--among our brides, team members, and vendors, we set out to find the best way of doing that.

We are proud to introduce The Spoken Bride Community, launching January 4.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we designed to be different from any other feed out there, with greater depth and a leap from screens to real life: one that invites pause over more scrolling, conversation over surface-level comments, rest over restlessness.

We created The Spoken Bride Community to bring you together with other Catholic women who are joyfully pursuing the vocation to marriage, through:

  • Exclusive prayer events

  • Conversation prompts

  • Wedding & marriage education from our team’s experts

  • Virtual small groups tailored to your location and season of your vocation

You’re invited.

How do I join The Spoken Bride Community?

The Spoken Bride Community runs through the Mighty Networks app, available in your phone’s app store or accessible here from your desktop. Download the app and create a username and password. On January 4, log in and, when prompted, search for Spoken Bride and request to join.

How is The Spoken Bride Community different from your blog, Instagram, or Facebook?

Spoken Bride’s blog and social media are impactful platforms for sharing the spiritual and practical content we create for brides-to-be and newlyweds, highlighting Catholic wedding vendors, and showcasing real couples’ divinely written love stories. We love seeing you share our content and tag your friends, trusting that the Holy Spirit speak to our brides the words they most need to hear.

For all these strengths, though, do you ever find yourself wishing social media allowed for...more? More genuine dialogue and meaningful encouragement. More long conversations. More opportunities for real-life friendships. With The Spoken Bride Community, our goal is to meet these needs, offering daily opportunities to share your opinions, intentions, questions, and experiences through conversation and prayer. We can’t wait to join you in your vocation through monthly prayer events, Ask Me Anythings, planning education, and more.

Is it free?

The Spoken Bride Community will be a paid membership platform. For about the monthly cost of two small (or one large!) coffees, you’ll have access to this group of women--brides-to-be, newlyweds, wedding industry pros, and members of the Spoken Bride team--committed to living out their call to marriage with all its realness and supporting one another as sisters in Christ.

It’s our goal that our offerings through the Community, along with your involvement and input, will be fruitful and valuable; a daily investment in your marriage and spiritual life.

What about my fiancé or husband?

We’re eager to highlight both the feminine genius and the gift of authentic masculinity through the topics we’ll share in The Spoken Bride Community. Those of us on the team who are engaged or married can’t wait to have our beloveds join in on prayer events and share on the wedding planning process from the groom’s perspective!

We made this platform for you, and can’t wait for the contributions and fruits your unique voice will bring. See you there for honest conversation, authentic relationship, and prayerful support.

The Marriage Crucifix

CARISSA PLUTA

 

The crucifix has long been a symbol of the sacrament of marriage, as it stands as the most perfect example of the sacrificial love and service husbands and wives are called to.

In fact, St. Augustine went so far as to describe the cross as a “marriage bed [in which Christ] united himself with [His bride, the Church].”

More and more Catholic couples, including my husband and I, have decided to remember this meaningful image by incorporating the Croatian wedding tradition of the “Marriage Crucifix” into their wedding ceremonies.

This centuries old tradition is linked back to a small town in Bosnia-Herzegovina called Siroki-Brijeg, which reportedly remains the only place in the world with a 0% divorce rate. 

What is their secret to lasting marriages? Making the cross of Christ the foundation of their marriage. 

When the couple approaches the altar the priest says: “You have found your cross. And it is a cross to be loved, to be carried, a cross not to be thrown away, but to be cherished." He then blesses the Crucifix. 

During the exchange of vows, the groom holds the crucifix in his right hand and the bride places her right hand on the top of the crucifix uniting their hands together.

The couple unites themselves on the Cross, and they recite their vows over this visceral image of Love Himself. 

Before they kiss one another, the couple first kisses the figure of Christ, the source of their love. 

This tradition is called the Marriage Crucifix, rather than the Wedding Crucifix because it was meant to remind the couple of the covenant they entered into, not only during the wedding but throughout the rest of their time on earth. 

My husband and I processed down the aisle after the ceremony with that crucifix in hand to begin our lives together and it now hangs in a central location in our home. 

Before it, we beg God to make our hearts more like His and to make our marriage a more clear reflection of His sacrificial, life-giving Love. 

While including this tradition in your wedding is not necessary to build your marriage on Christ, it can serve as a powerful reminder of the magnitude of God’s call to us in this vocation and the divine weight of our vows.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Wedding Planning | Be Bold in Asking for What you Desire

THERESA NAMENYE

 

I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s weddings.

Her ceremony was beautiful. You could feel the joy in the air. Afterwards, we piled into our wedding party bus and headed to the park to take photographs. The bride and the groom got their pictures, then the families, and then the entire wedding party together. The photographer called, “Alright, let’s head back to the reception; dinner is waiting!” 

My mind immediately started to race about the photographs I still wanted my friend to have! Didn’t we always talk about a picture of our friend group at all of our weddings? Didn’t we want shots of all the bridesmaids all together?

Awkwardly, I said, “Wait, aren’t there a few shots we still want?”

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

It wasn’t in the plan. The photographer seemed surprised. Long story short, we ended up staying for another 15 minutes to get all of the photographs we could ever need.

Looking back, I treasure the photographs from my best friend’s wedding. If I had not spoken up, and just listened to the part of me that didn’t want to “make a fuss”, those photographs literally would not exist. I have been a part of many weddings now, and in every one, including my own, some of the richest memories prove to be the images captured of us all together. 

I have close kindred sisters spread out all over the world. We live in an age where many loved ones are separated by distance. While we may have all been ridiculously close in high school, childhood, or college, the harsh truth is that some of our closest and dearest friends will be seen on Marco Polo apps and over text messages for the rest of our adulthood. We don’t crash on each other’s couches every weekend like we used to. We receive our children’s milestones from Facebook. We try ever so hard to schedule vacations or get togethers when we can travel from state to state. Given the current climax of the world, it really is more unknown than ever when we will all be back together hanging out.

But I will always have those wedding photographs that immortalize our bond, and radiate happiness in a way that an old android snapshot just doesn’t have the range to capture.

Don’t be afraid to ask for exactly what you want. Write a list of photographs you absolutely must have. It can be a pain to sit down and write out all the different shots you need and the order in which they will happen. But it is worth doing. Every time. 

I created a detailed list of every single photograph I wanted with other people. This included my parents, my siblings, my sisters, my grandparents, my husband’s family, my bridesmaids, my childhood friends, my college friends, and a plethora of other combinations. We obviously all had photographs taken scattered throughout our lives, but to be all dressed up with a professional photographer was an opportunity I absolutely did not want to go to waste. 

Since my wedding, my grandmother, grandfather, and father have all suddenly passed away. Guess what I have? I have photographs of us all together at my wedding. There is not any dollar amount that can put a price on those tangible memories.

When we created picture boards for my dad’s funeral, almost all of the photographs we had were because of my grandmother who was extremely passionate about capturing the moments with her family. We have a rich documentation of my dad’s life because someone had the boldness and assertiveness to demand family photographs, capture candid moments, and encourage us all to immortalize those precious moments forever.

Now, more than any other time in history, we have almost no excuse for not doing this in some capacity. Instead of playing a game or scrolling, stop to take the photograph. It doesn’t matter if we look perfect or “attractive enough”. We--and our loved ones--deserve to have these memories of a life that goes by fleetingly fast.

Be intentional. Be bold about asking and calmly stating what you will receive in the end. No amount of “wedding day stress” should derail you from the one piece of your special day that will remain immortalized for the rest of your life.

At the end of the day, the wedding ceremony and celebration really isn’t about the visual details or the decorations. Ultimately, it is about the bond of marriage; but even beyond that, it is about two lives intertwining. My life is the culmination of my family and my friends--I did not exist in a void. My friends were the ones who walked me through my engagement, my dating life, my hard break ups, my singlehood. And I cherish the photographs that captured the beauty of those friendship forever.

So take the pictures! All of them.


About the Author: Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her husband Garrett and their children Leo and Aislin. When she isn't teaching fourth grade, she loves blogging, painting, and enjoying the outdoors.

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If We are to be Molded by the Creator, May we be Bent into the Shape of a Cross.

JAY ROSS

 

“When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.” 

I wish I had this quote included in my wedding vows. At the time, I was an evangelical Atheist, (far from the homeschooling Catholic I am now). I fought tooth and nail to remove all traces of scripture from my wedding.

If I could plan my wedding all over again, I would be as malleable to God as metal is to its maker.

Faith was absent from my wedding and every experience of wedding planning. That process did not yield the spiritual fruit that it could have—and should have. If you let it, you will be amazed by the fruits and graces that come with including God in every step of your marriage. 

I am a jeweler. When I make a wedding ring, the metal is heated to over 1,000 degrees celsius (1832 fahrenheit), banged many times with wood or metal, sanded and stripped away, and polished. For gold or platinum, the precious metals most often used for wedding bands, this is not a pleasant process. But the end result is pristine. 

As the creator, I guide the raw materials through a very difficult process to make something beautiful. In how many ways does God desire to do the same with my heart and soul as I am transformed through the sacrament of marriage? How often do difficult experiences form the beauty of our present lives? 

Now, I know, planning a wedding is hard. We were seniors in college, extremely active in a local advocacy group, and working in the jewelry business. We were inexperienced in the realms of adulthood and underprepared for the responsibilities and financial costs associated with planning a wedding. We never considered the lasting effects that could come with intentional planning. And we never anticipated the difficult impact from the common stressors of wedding planning either. 

Yet, over time, I have been refined. But I often wonder what kind of refinement could have happened sooner if I allowed myself to be formed by my Creator earlier in life and earlier in my marriage. 

To have been present in real time, within my wedding planning, I would have had solace in the times I needed it most. I would have realized my potential as a man and spouse before I approached the marriage altar. 

When we have a relationship with Jesus Christ and bring our difficult experiences to him—in prayer, in relationships, or in the Sacraments—he melts our hearts, strips away our burdens, and forms us into the persons he created us to be, into saints. 

As we think of ourselves as a precious metal waiting to be formed into something pristine, the process is not pleasant. I know it is especially hard in the moment to “offer it up.” Yet, we are invited to bring those difficult, painful experiences of refinement to prayer, into an intimate conversation with your Creator. 

God has formed me through my vows so I have a clearer vision of his design for my life, my marriage and my family. I encourage you to bring God to the center of your wedding planning--bring him into everything you do with, and for, your spouse. Not only will you grow closer to each other, but also closer to heaven. 

Ultimately, you are working with your beloved to bring each other to heaven; planning a wedding together can be a great opportunity to deal with stress, to approach sacrifice and suffering as a cross, and to be shaped and formed together. This is the process which creates the most beautiful offering you can present to Our Lord when death do you part.


About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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It's Okay to Grieve Changes to Your Wedding Plans

In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, many couples have had to surrender their ideal plans for their wedding day.

Some have opted to move up the date and accommodate less guests, and others have had to postpone it until this season has passed. When it comes to making these changes, there is no right answer, and there certainly isn’t an easy one. 

Having to make decisions about how to move forward, contacting vendors to cancel or reschedule services, and reaching out to family and loved ones with the news is a gut-wrenching process for couples during a time that was meant to be joyful.

Know that it is okay (and even necessary) to grieve your ideal wedding day, so you move forward with more peace. 

Name your feelings

Sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety--there’s a wide range of emotions you might experience during this time. Acknowledging and affirming your feelings is the first step in the grieving process. 

Don’t try to ignore or downplay your feelings by saying that other people have it worse. Nor should you try to talk yourself out of feeling a certain way. None of your feelings are invalid or unreasonable. 

Despite the idea of there being five stages of the grief, the process is not linear. You may feel fine one minute and angry or upset the next. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself some time to experience the emotions as they come. 

Take them to prayer and be honest with God. Don’t try to put on a brave face when your heart hurts, He wants to hear exactly how you are feeling. He wants to love you in the midst of your pain as much as He wants to be with you during your moments of joy. 

Take care of your well-being

Wedding planning can already be a stressful time for a person, but throw in the added anxiety of changing plans and global pandemic and you’re heading for a burnout.

Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated, exercise, get outside, and take a few deep breaths throughout the day. Maybe take some time to journal, paint, or enjoy a glass of wine with girlfriends on Facetime. Take part in activities that you enjoy and that fill you with life.

Making sure your needs are met will allow you to face the challenges from this time with more clarity and patience. 

Focus on what is in your control

The uncertainty that accompanies this strange season can be an overwhelming reality for most people. There is so much about this situation that lies outside of our control, and focusing too much on these things will only make it harder for you. 

Instead, focus your attention and energy on what you can control. 

If you are moving your wedding day up, talk to your fiance about how you can make the day special and meaningful, no matter how different it will look from your initial plans. 

If you are having to postpone your wedding, find ways for you and your future spouse can make this extra time in anticipation and preparation fruitful and enjoyable. 

Reach out to friends

When grieving, it is easy for people to isolate themselves from friends and loved ones and during this time of social distancing, this is even easier to do. 

Reach out to your fiance, your bridesmaids, or even other brides going through a similar experience. Share your feelings and the challenges you are facing, as well as your moments of joy and gratitude.  

Allow others to pray for you and accompany you as you navigate this crazy time.

Embrace Hope

Of course, this step might be easier said than done. 

Your day may not look the way you envisioned it, or you may have to wait several months for it to come but your marriage (and your wedding day) has not been forgotten by God. 

The Lord has called you to this vocation and the graces He intends to pour out on you and your future spouse on this day are real. Whenever your wedding will take place, He will be there. 

This sacrament that you are, or will be, entering into will make the Church and the world richer and far more lovely, especially in this time of uncertainty and sorrow. Do not lose hope.

From Our Brides: Marian Wedding Elements

Happy Solemnity of the Annunciation from all of us at Spoken Bride. If you’re unable to attend Mass today amid the coronavirus pandemic, know that we’re sharing your thirst for the sacraments and are uniting ourselves in prayer to all of the faithful.

Even--and perhaps especially--in these weeks of fear and uncertainty, Our Lady remains a steady comfort and protector. Truly a loving mother. In your moments of anxiety and discernment over future plans, rest in the knowledge that she rejoices in hearing her children’s prayers and bringing them to the feet of her son.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe wrote, “You are hers: let yourself be led by the Immaculate.” On this feast wherein Mary embodies all the receptivity, maternity, sensitivity, and generosity of the feminine genius in her yes to bearing Christ to the world, entrust yourself, your beloved, and your vocation to her.

Here, a look at Our Lady’s intercession in our brides’ stories, along with unique ways of honoring her on your wedding day and beyond.

Weddings

Melissa and AJ’s romantic Miami wedding and decision to make and periodically renew a Marian consecration | Renae and Steven’s journey of growth, engagement on the 100th anniversary of Our Lady’s appearance at Fatima, and their February wedding described as “a match made by Mary” | Abby and Zack’s elegant celebration at Mount St. Mary’s University, with Marian hymns chosen for their Nuptial Mass

Our Lady of Good Counsel’s role in Rosanna and Matthew’s prayer lives and California wedding | Jenna and Michael’s Italian family-style wedding and their story of new beginnings and milestones on Our Lady’s feast days | Julie and Rudy’s elegant blush wedding and a love story that began in Fatima

Chelsy and Ben’s wedding on today’s feast day, celebrated among the Washington, D.C. cherry blossoms | Our Lady of Perpetual Help’s role in Erin and Andrew’s love story

Engagements

Alexandra and Aidan’s proposal and candlelit offerings at Our Lady’s feet | Jenna and Paul’s Philadelphia engagement, where Paul proposed in a grotto devoted to Our Lady of Lourdes | Brooke and Tim’s engagement at the Catholic University of America, the year that Good Friday and the Solemnity of the Annunciation took place on the same day

Devotions and traditions

4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet | Not sure where to start with Marian devotion? A testimony of how she can bring your relationship to life, meeting you where you are. | Suggestions for honoring Our Lady during your ceremony, with your wedding party, and with your spouse 

To You, Our Community, in This Time of Uncertainty.

It’s hard to know what to say as the state of our physical, social, and emotional wellbeing seemingly changes by the day amidst the coronavirus pandemic.

Photography: Pillar & Pearl

Photography: Pillar & Pearl

In this desert, it’s normal, and alright, to feel heavy-hearted: concern for loved ones, especially the vulnerable and those working in essential industries. Anxiety over sickness and suffering. Social loneliness. Cancellation of Masses and the sacraments. The delay and uncertainty of long-anticipated milestones, including weddings.

From all of us at Spoken Bride to you, our community of readers, we see you.

We feel the pain and helplessness of your engagement and wedding looking different than you imagined; at the prospect of few to no guests in attendance; of delaying your wedding date or honeymoon; at confusion over deposits made and vendors booked. Our team members and vendor community hold you in prayer, wishing so deeply that we could offer concrete support along with the spiritual.

The answers to these wedding-related challenges might not be easily determined in the coming months. Yet through it all, the certainty of the Father’s love is as relentless and unchanging as ever. 

As we adjust to a new normal of social distancing and self-quarantine--a literal turn toward the interior--we’re here alongside you in striving to embrace this time as an invitation; a new depth of spiritual interiority and trust in God’s unceasingly merciful care.

We’re also here for you, in solidarity and practical assistance. Together we’ll navigate the challenges of decision-making and the practicals of adjusting your expectations and wedding plans, sharing insights from our team members and vendors here on Spoken Bride’s blog and on our social media.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions and to tell us your stories during this season of unrest. We want to hear how you and your beloved are entering into social distance, whether you’re together or apart, who we can pray for, and what changes your wedding plans have undergone. 

As we learn to move forward, life feels a little in a state of suspension. The edge of the dawn; during Lent, no less. Join us in praying the Sisters of Life’s Litany of Trust, knowing we are his beloved and that surrender brings peace.

Answering Common Questions from Non-Catholic Wedding Guests

 

Getting married in the Catholic Church can be an invitation for non-practicing or non-Catholic friends and family to encounter the faith. The experience of entering a Catholic church—whether for the first time or for the first time in a long time—can bring a range of emotions and questions. 

As the ministers of the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom are not only responsible for exchanging vows with each other, but are also serving their guests as leaders and teachers. Here, we share some of the most common questions non-Catholic wedding guests may ask—or wonder—and suggested responses for each.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

Why is a Catholic wedding so long? 

A regular Catholic Mass typically lasts about one hour. The first half, called the Liturgy of the Word, includes introductory prayers, readings from Scripture, and a reflection from the priest. The second half, called the Liturgy of the Eucharist, includes the celebration and sharing of the Body of Christ with the addition of prayers and songs. 

When a Catholic wedding seems to last a long time it is because the exchange of vows and rings occurs within the regular liturgy. Therefore, you can expect the regular hour-long Mass plus the wedding ceremony. 

Catholic Weddings do not have to include the full Mass. So when they do, it was an important choice the bride and groom made when planning their wedding. 

What should I expect from the Mass? And what’s with all the movement up-and-down?

In general, the priest is the leader of the Mass. The congregation follows his words and actions for cues on what to say, when to say it, and how to move. However, other people support the Mass by reading and serving in different ways. 

You can expect that Mass will start with sitting or standing and listening to readings from the Bible. In the middle, the bride and groom will share their vows and rings with each other. Then the Mass continues with communion, or the Eucharist; this part involves more standing and kneeling and responding in prayer. 

How do I know what to do and should I follow it? Are there any rules I need to know about?

There are a few ways you can follow along with the Mass. First, you can observe the people around you and follow their lead. (Truly, no one will notice if you are a second behind the crowd.) Second, you can look for “The Order of the Mass” in one of the song books in your pew to follow a written outline. Third, if the bride and groom have prepared a program, you can use the program as a guide. 

As a non-Catholic, you are invited (and encouraged!) to participate in the sitting, standing, kneeling, singing, and praying portions of the Mass—as much as you are comfortable. After all, you have been invited to this wedding to be a part of the community of witnesses to pray for and celebrate the bride and groom. Regardless of your spirituality or religious beliefs, there is a joy to be shared as the two become one, through love, in marriage. 

When it comes time for communion, there are special considerations for non-Catholics. Continue reading the next question for more. 

What is communion? Can I take communion? What should I do during communion? 

Catholics believe that the simple bread and wine presented on the altar during a Mass become the living, real presence of Jesus--his body, blood, soul, and divinity. To receive communion is to receive the body of Christ. 

If you practice a different faith, do not share this belief, or have not been spiritually prepared through catechesis to receive the Eucharist, you are invited to remain present in the Mass without receiving communion. 

As the congregation processes to the front of the church during communion, you can choose to receive a blessing--by walking forward with your arms crossed on your chest so each hand rests on the opposite shoulder--or to remain at your seat. Either way, this is a time for reflection, solitude, and recollection.

PHotography: Alex Krall Photography

How can I support the couple during the ceremony if I'm from a different faith or am not religious?

Prayer can be defined as a longing of the heart. While you are present at a Catholic Mass to support a couple you know and love, give your heart space to long, to desire, for their eternal happiness, faithful love and total commitment to each other. This couple has invited you to be a part of their special day to not only celebrate the beginning of their married lives, but to also celebrate the history of their lives that led them to this day. 

Being present at a wedding ceremony is about a reciprocity of love—offering love for the new couple and receiving their love for your role in their life. Differences in faith or spirituality do not take away from this meaningful sharing of the heart. 

Are there guidelines about what to wear?

Imagine how you might prepare if you had the chance to meet the Queen of England. As you stand face-to-face with her regal throne and dress, you would likely present yourself with a certain level of prestige, reverence, and modesty. 

The same thinking is appropriate in preparation for a Catholic wedding. During the Mass, Catholics celebrate coming face-to-face with the King of Kings, Jesus Christ, who is fully present in the Eucharist. Maintaining a sense of prestige, reverence, and modesty in respect for the beliefs of the Catholic faith is a safe policy when choosing what to wear at a Catholic wedding. 

 

For more common questions and answers about a Catholic Wedding, check out a post from our archives: 4 Scripts for Explaining Catholic Wedding Traditions to Friends + Family.

6 Tips for Planning a Wedding Novena

KIKI HAYDEN

 

You know you’re Catholic when you say a novena for (almost) every occasion. If you never have before, it’s not too late to start!

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

A novena is a prayer said over nine days, usually for a specific intention. Spending nine days in prayer is an intimate way to invite the Lord into your daily life, whether in thanksgiving or petition. Novenas can be prayed in anticipation of favorite feast days, birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and--of course--weddings. A wedding novena is a beautiful way to unite in prayer with your future spouse, your friends, and your family as you prepare to enter your vocation.

Here, a step by step process for creating a personal wedding novena.

Decide when to pray your novena.

Novena prayers are a powerful way to enter into preparation for your vocation. You can pray a novena early on, just after engagement or betrothal. Developing a habit of prayer early in your engagement keeps Jesus at the front of your mind amidst the overwhelm of wedding planning.

As other options, consider a novena in the nine days leading to your wedding, or beginning on your wedding day and lasting through your first nine days of marriage—a honeymoon novena—to establish a practice of daily prayer in your new life with your beloved.

Don’t limit yourself! My husband and I invited our friends and family to pray two novenas alongside us: one at the beginning of our betrothal, and another leading up to our wedding day. And we privately say a novena for the days leading up to each anniversary. The Lord is so generous and loves hearing our prayers.

Make a list of intentions.

This sets the tone for your novena. You might identify one intention for each day, or you could come up with a list of a few important intentions to pray throughout the nine days. Fitting intentions for your wedding might include commitment to God and one another. 

You can also include personal prayers based on your passions, hobbies, and love languages. Additionally, practical prayers, such as prayers for health for you and your family or for peace in your home, can foster trust in the Lord to provide for your needs as a couple. 

Keep your petitions open to God’s will. And of course, give thanks for the community who is praying with you!

Write a litany of saints.

Invite the angels and saints to join your novena by including a small litany. To personalize your novena, consider including your patron saints and those whose feast days fall on or near your wedding date. 

I also recommend invoking the intercession of saintly couples whose vocation inspires your own, such as Louis and Zelie Martin, or Aquila and Priscilla, as well as any personal devotions to Jesus, Mary, and favorite saints.

If anyone in your family or support network has passed away, you may want to include them in the novena litany too, as a way of intentionally inviting them into your wedding.

If you can’t decide, you can always ask “all the angels and saints” to pray for you. 

Decide who to pray with.

After identifying your time frame, intentions, and litany of the saints, decide which living friends and family members you’d like to join in your novena. Ask yourselves if you’d prefer your novena to be a private prayer for just the two of you, a group prayer with your wedding party, or a prayer open to all your guests through your wedding website and invitations. 

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as to whose prayers you need the most. If you do invite your guests to pray with you, consider saying the final prayer day at your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

Consider the religious backgrounds of your prayer warriors.

There are ways to express your Catholic faith that include your non-Catholic guests. If you are inviting Christians who are not Catholic, consider making the litany of saints optional, with an instruction like, “If you feel comfortable asking for prayers from the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), please pray this litany.” 

For those of other faiths, offer the option to pray to God the Father instead of to the Trinity. And for guests who aren’t religious, encourage them to think of intentions as “good thoughts” or “wishes” rather than prayers. These modifications invite non-Catholic guests into your wedding preparation and allow anyone who wishes to participate in the novena prayer. 

The Lord listens to everyone. Our non-Catholic guests expressed gratitude for being included in my husband’s and my novenas, and we really appreciated their support! No matter each guest’s background,  the Lord answered the petitions in abundance.

Pray it forward

After you’ve had the experience of writing your own beautiful and personal wedding novena, consider sharing this gift with other couples.

When friends get married, my husband and I say a novena for them using this process. I usually send a text each day telling the couple  the intention or saint of the day for their novena. 

For my non-Catholic friends, I modify the novena to meet them wherever they are in their spiritual journey (I send them nine days of “wishes/prayers”). Your friends will appreciate your support, and the Lord loves to spend time with you as you earnestly share the desires of your heart for your friends. Novena prayers are a powerful expression of love for your friends and family, your spouse, and Jesus.


About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. She writes about how God has changed her life through speech therapy at Speaking With Kiki.

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Concerned About the Material Aspects of Wedding Planning? No Matter Your Budget, Invest in Beauty.

MARIETTE RINTOUL

 

Cultural and generational differences can yield surprising comments about wedding plans, particularly with regard to the size of your budget: What people spend on weddings these days is ridiculous! We spent far less than today’s couples and we've been happily married for years!

It’s enough to make any bride feel materialistic, indulgent, and wasteful indeed if she spends more than the bare minimum on her special day. But is beauty ever a waste?

It's true that the wedding industry wants us to spend the most money possible. You can easily feel pressured to spend a literal fortune on your wedding. 

However, it isn't fair to hold today's bride to the actual dollar amount of her mother or grandmother.

Older women who spent conservatively on their weddings forty years ago will often say it was a still-lovely day with a white dress, flowers for herself and attendants, a cake and punch reception, and time shared with friends and family.

To make a similarly simple wedding happen on that budget today would be incredibly difficult. Our dollar simply doesn’t stretch as far as it did decades ago

But there’s another concern beneath comments about materialism and spending. Even if it isn't the speaker’s intent, these comments can chip away at the dignity and importance of the sacrament.

Marriage is so great and special a union that Christ performed his first miracle at of one.

Christ didn't say, "They've already had some wine; and after all, it's just one day." Instead, he was generous to the bride and groom at Cana, pouring out abundance at so great and important a celebration as their marriage.

Shouldn't we too find great dignity in this day; two people taking on the serious and beautiful endeavor of this holy sacrament?

I'm not talking about plunging into debt or spending beyond your means. Your wedding budget should be comfortable for you and any contributing family members.

Consider that the day you become one with another and pledge yourself to him before God and man is a day worth making as special as is prudently possible.

We don't find it a waste when a seminarian dons special new vestments on ordination day as he becomes a priest; newly transformed with the power to change bread and wine into Christ’s sacred body and blood.

We don't throw babies into dollar store onesies on their baptism days and consider something nicer a wasteful expense as they become children of God and heirs of heaven.

Therefore, a bride who desires to honor her entrance into marriage shouldn’t be held to a different standard.

Our society tends to favor the functional or profitable, seeing most anything else as superfluous. But a beautiful wedding celebration (no matter what your budget) has value and purpose of its own.

Flowers presented to Our Lady and Saint Joseph with petitions to be a holy spouse, a choir singing gorgeous music which can only lift the mind and heart to God, fine garments worn by the bride and groom, special food and drink shared by our dearest families and friends...these elements can’t be invested in a bank or made useful to the world. Yet we can gain so much from what is good for the souls.

Related: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

No amount of money--large or small--can make a happy marriage. Happiness, instead, comes from holy spouses showing up every day, giving everything they have and loving one another completely with all of the sacrifices the sacrament asks of them. 

However, in recognizing the great graces that come from this sacrament, how pleasing it is to God for two to seriously enter into it, and how beautiful the sanctifying aspects of marriage are. It only makes sense that making the day you pledge yourself to your beloved as beautiful as is prudently possible is a fitting way to honor the gift of marriage.


About the Author: Mariette Rintoul is a wife and mother, married to her best friend, Ethan. She passionately pursues health and holiness in her domestic church—a small 2 bedroom home in Eastern Nebraska. When she's not reading books to little people or cooking from scratch, she can be found blogging about the Catholic Faith, marriage, parenting, non-toxic living, and more at The Natural Catholic Mom...and probably starting another load of laundry.

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Editors Share | How I Shaped My Wedding Budget

It is no surprise that wedding planning on a budget requires a careful balance of priorities, values, and dreams. Today, the Spoken Bride team shares their personal experiences of managing that balance.

For additional reflections on wedding planning on a budget, continue reading about Balancing Materialism and Majesty in your Wedding Plans or Planning your Dream Wedding without Breaking the Bank.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Stephanie Calis, Editor-in-Chief

A bridal magazine suggested my husband-to-be and I each list our top three priorities for our wedding day, in order to identify where we’d be comfortable spending more of our budget. We both chose the liturgy and photography as the first two items on our lists! My husband also listed music as a top priority, and I listed colors (for wedding party attire, florals, and décor). 

Though its usefulness sounds obvious, this exercise was far more helpful than we expected. Knowing one another’s priorities motivated my husband and I to stay on budget for our wedding expenses and to worry less about items that weren’t as important to us. We felt motivated and centered knowing that even if it was painful to forego certain things, we were investing in other things that we truly valued--I’ve found it true that what we valued most, we’ve remembered most.

 

Andi Compton, Business Director

CIRCLE HEADSHOT Andi.jpg

I always encourage couples to rank their priorities. For us, photography and videography were our biggest must-haves for our parents and children. Then came the dress and our invitations (I’m obsessed with paper goods). No matter what your budget is, you won’t end up with everything you want.

 

Jiza Zito, Creative Director

When planning our wedding, my thought was always “What will people really remember?” By asking myself that often, it gave myself permission to let a lot of things go such as type of flowers, aesthetics of our invitation suite, or small details of my dress. Financially, we top-prioritized delicious food, good & clean reception music, and wedding photography. 

 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My husband and I planned our wedding in four months—which was only possible with the help of my sister, our wedding planner. We wanted to be intentional about our wedding guests’ experiences: that non-Catholics would feel welcome and comfortable during the wedding Mass, and that everyone would come together to celebrate and mingle at the reception. These intentions shifted our emphasis, and our budget, to think about the environment.

With my sisters encouragement to pursue our experiential goals, we spent a substantial portion of our budget on designing and printing the Mass program, paying for lighting features to help set the mood at our reception, and enhancing both the ceremony and the reception with beautiful floral arrangements. Lighting and additional flowers were a surprising expense with major impact.

We made sacrifices in other areas of our planning to stay on budget, but our choices aligned with our desires and yielded an unbelievable outcome.

 

Vendor Week 2020 | A Wedding Planner's Tips for Getting Married in a Historical Catholic Church

JOY FOSTER

 

Many couples choose to get married in beautiful, landmark Catholic churches that often have a historical significance to them. These churches are known for welcoming non-parishioners when celebrating the sacrament of matrimony. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING

However, this is more than just the “Catholic” version of a destination wedding. It’s also a viable option for couples who have chosen a wedding date only to discover their parish is not available (already booked, major renovation scheduled, etc.). Others may find their own church too small to accommodate a large guest list. Some may look for a “middle ground” location when families live on opposite sides of the country. Or maybe the bride or groom has a family connection going back generations, and they wish to continue the tradition of marrying at a specific church; no matter if they live two parishes over or a thousand miles away.

Whatever the reason, a wedding taking place in an opulent, historic church offers a wonderful opportunity to evangelize via the atmosphere. The sacred surroundings set the tone for prayer and reverence. The story of salvation history is told in the stained glass windows and frescoes that are usually in abundance. 

This gives your guests an opportunity to witness the holy beauty of our faith in a way they may never have been exposed to before. It is wonderful to bring a more sacred approach to the celebration of marriage (as does any Catholic wedding) in a world where the current trend for marital celebrations is usually a themed party that can take place anywhere.

With that in mind, here are some important things to remember as you plan your wedding at a historic Catholic church.

Take into account any extra cost

However, one concern with not being a parishioner of a particular church is the cost. In most churches the fee is significantly more for a non-parishioner compared to that of registered and active parishioners. You could view paying the wedding fee as an act of generosity to a place whose operating and general maintenance costs can be astronomical--especially since many of these churches have significantly fewer parishioners than those in suburban areas. 

By getting married there, you are also honoring all the founding families whose financial sacrifices helped to build a magnificent church. One boost to your wedding budget is that such a facility rarely needs any additional décor like altar arrangements or pew ribbons, so many couples only purchase bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages when making floral selections.

Become familiar with their policies

Additionally, the logistics involved with getting married outside your own parish can take more navigation than scheduling a wedding at your own. Before you book a date, look over the church’s guidelines and policies very carefully (a good reminder regardless of where your wedding is taking place). This goes a long way in preventing last-minute disappointments regarding what is allowed for music, decorations, dress code, and access times. 

Contact their wedding coordinator

Keep in consistent contact with the parish wedding coordinator throughout the scheduling process, and don’t hesitate to reach out to them should any questions arise. If a church is hosting a fair amount of non-parishioner weddings, they will usually have someone to assist you throughout the process, or someone who can direct you to the appropriate person to help with your concern. 

Get permission from your pastor

The final sentence of Canon Law 1115, under “The Form of the Celebration of Marriage” stipulates that, “With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” In basic terms, if you wish to be married outside your geographical parish or where you are a registered parishioner, you need the permission of your pastor. That usually involves having your parish priest write a letter giving permission for the marriage to take place in another parish (or university chapel or shrine).

Choose your officiant

Very often, the historic church hosting your wedding will require you to provide your own officiant. If so, he must be a Catholic priest or deacon in good standing within his own diocese or religious order. His bishop or superior will need to provide documentation of this, via a Letter of Good Standing or Testimonial of Suitability for Ordained Ministry. These forms can usually be found on your diocesan website or by contacting the Office of Marriage and Family Life. 

Make arrangements for marriage prep

You may also need to make arrangements for required marriage preparation with your officiating priest or deacon, or perhaps the pastoral associate from your home parish. Some hosting churches offer the use of their own priest or staff to conduct marriage prep, but this is not common, so be prepared to need a little extra time and paperwork before your wedding is officially on the schedule.

Work with the parish when planning your music

Because most of these facilities have a pipe organ, they may require or strongly recommend the use of their parish organist or liturgical musicians. This helps to ensure appropriate liturgical music is used for your ceremony, and a large pipe organ is quite useful for filling an entire cathedral with beautiful, sacred music.

Finally, when getting married in such splendid surroundings, there can be a tendency to feel like everything has to be perfect, perhaps even more than if you were in the familiar environment of your home parish. Don’t let those feelings and pressures take hold. Focus on the beauty of each moment, regardless if your wedding takes place in a chapel, a local parish church, a cathedral, or a basilica. At the end of the day, you and your beloved are now "Mr. and Mrs.", joined in one flesh before God, and that's what matters most.


About the Author: Joy is co-owner of Something Blue LLC, a wedding planning and coordination service for couples marrying within the Catholic Church. Prior to starting her business in 2018, she served as On-site Coordinator for her parish, which happens to be one of those ornate historic churches that welcome non-parishioner nuptial celebrations.

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Introducing Spoken Bride's 2020 Vendor Week! Tips, Education, and Exclusive Planning Info from Catholic Wedding Pros

This January 11-19 is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content and social media

Videography: Visual Rose Films by Nick DeRose, a Spoken Bride Vendor. The bride, Kate Capato of Visual Grace, and wedding photographer, Emma Dallman of Emma Dallman Photography, are our vendors, as well!

The Catholic wedding industry? Yes, it’s a thing! We are proud to offer the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first wedding directory specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Don’t miss our first vendor takeovers, featuring Evan Kristiansen of Evan Kristiansen Photography and Nia Husk of Prolific Services, a certified fertility education resource, over this weekend! Follow us on Instagram @spokenbride.

At the start of this post-holiday engagement season, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide as you begin booking your wedding vendors. Each of our vendors is a true gift, offering their talents for the glory of God and sharing of themselves, their stories, and unique personalities. 

Are you a Catholic wedding vendor interested in learning about Vendor membership? Read about membership benefits and join our waitlist here.

Follow along on our blog and Instagram this week for exclusive and personal education, tips, Days in the Life, and Q+A you’ll only find from Spoken Bride vendors. Forthcoming topics include…

  • Tips for planning a pre-ceremony “First Prayer”

  • Considerations for marrying at a church that isn’t your home parish

  • Vendors’ tips for first steps in finding, choosing, and booking your wedding professionals

  • Ways to communicate the importance of your Catholic faith with your vendors

  • Instagram takeovers by a marriage therapist, a jeweler, an NFP instructor, wedding photographers, and more

Recently engaged and booking your vendors? Browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide:

Photography | Wedding Coordination | Bridal Attire & Jewelry | Stationery & Hand Lettering | Floral Design | Videography | Gifts & Home Décor | Marriage & Family Therapists | NFP Instructors | Music

Above all, weddings are about the personal: who you and your beloved are, and the professionals you invite in to help tell your story for generations to come. Our vendors are single, engaged, and married, alive with passion for their craft and their Catholic faith. They, and we, are so eager to share and correspond with you this week! Don’t hesitate to engage online and on social media with your questions and thoughts—it’s our hope that this week is mutually enriching, informative, and fruitful as you prepare for your wedding and marriage.

How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

LAURA McALISTER

 

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.


About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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How to Customize your Wedding Dress

CLARA DAVISON

 

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.


About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Wedding Planning | A Glossary of Wedding Words

Embarking on the preparations for a once-in-a-lifetime day may involve a new vocabulary of words specific to weddings, wedding planning, or the Catholic sacrament of marriage. As you begin planning your wedding and working with wedding professionals, we hope this glossary can be a valuable resource and source of confidence. 

Bridal Attire 

More than your dress! Bridal Attire encompasses jewelry, shoes, hair pieces, accent belts, and any additional accessories you want to include on your big day.

Types of dresses | A-line, ball gown, mermaid, empire waist, and more! We recommend brides-to-be begin with some online research to know what the options are and what they can or cannot imagine wearing on their special day. Taking this information into a bridal boutique may help guide your initial dress-shopping process.

Bustle | A feature on the back of the wedding dress which gathers the train so it's not in the way during the reception of while moving from venue to venue. There are multiple types of bustles depending on the style gown you choose. An experienced seamstress will know what is best for your fabric and cut. Securing the bustle often requires additional hands, so take note (or pictures) so others can help you on the big day! 

Types of veils | Words like fingertip, chapel and cathedral describe the length of the veil as it flows behind you. 

Blusher | The veil worn over the brides face as she walks down the aisle or during part of the ceremony. 

Flowers and Lights

Pomander | A ball covered in flowers as an options for flower girls. Ask your florist about the average weight of a pomander; if you have a young flower girl, this option may be too heavy or distraction for her to carry through the ceremony. 

Posey | A small bouquet of several flowers, often used for flower girls, mothers, and grandmothers. 

Draping | The pretty fabric that is draped and hung on poles around the perimeter of a room.

Up lighting | Small lights places on the floor facing up to highlight an area or add a pop of color to the wall.

Pin spot | A very small spotlight that is pointed at something to make it pop! Pin spots are often used to highlight the cake or tall arrangements on round tables. You paid good money for those decorations and don't want them to get lost in a dark room!

Wash | Washes are a lighting feature which are less focused than a pin spot, but draw attention to a specific feature. Often used on long rectangular tables. 

Gobo | A custom stencil placed in front of a spotlight to project a particular design--such as a monogram--at the reception. Gobos can be focused on the dance floor or on a large blank wall to use lights as part of your personalized decor. 

Catholic Wedding Ceremony 

Betrothal or Rite of Betrothal | An ceremony held during engagement, in which a couple makes a binding commitment to marry. The Rite of Betrothal is an ancient tradition of the Church that has had a resurgence in the 21st century. It is optional, but beautiful, and can be as simple or elaborate an event as you desire.

Learn about the Rite of Betrothal here, and see Danielle + Jeff’s betrothal ceremony here.

Consent | The bride and groom profess their consent to one another through the saying of the vows. The consent must be completely a completely free act of the individual’s will. 

Celebrant / Concelebrant | The priest (or priests) present on the altar at a Catholic wedding ceremony stand as witness to the Sacrament as the celebrant. Their blessing of the marriage is a necessary component to make the marriage valid.

Confer | The bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony; as they express their mutual consent, they confer the sacrament and grace upon each other with the priests and guests as witnesses to their consent. 

Covenant | Through the sacrament of marriage, a bride and groom are brought together in an unbreakable union as an image of the union of Christ and his bride, the Church. The nature of his union is covenantal. 

Consummate | Catholic theology is made visible through sacramental signs. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the truth of the spoken vows is made visible and complete when the marriage is consummated through the physical intimacy between the bride and groom. 

Receiving Line | This custom occurs at the back of the church when the newlyweds greet wedding guests as they depart from the ceremony. This can take a long time and isn't very common anymore; many couples make a point to speak with everyone at the reception.

Venues, Food, and Beverages 

PP+ | An abbreviation for per person. If a caterer quotes you $50pp+, for instance, it means $50 per person. The plus sign indicates plus service charge (usually 18-28%), then sales tax.

Service Charge | Typically if a service charge is included, it is not necessary to tip the staff. 

Pro tip: Note the customs of the region you are getting married. In the north, it’s customary to tip every single person involved in your wedding. In the south, it is not customary to tip anyone unless they go above and beyond in their job. 

BEO (or Banquet Event Order) | This is a phrase used by caterers to summarize the quote for all notes and details of the wedding day. 

F&B (Food and Beverage) Minimum | If a venue has the ability to host and cater your event, they may inform you of a F&B minimum. This is the minimum amount of food and beverage that must be--or money spent--as part of the event contract. If your menu does not equal or surpass the minimum, you may have to pay the difference as a rental fee. 

Pro tip: Unless noted, the F&B minimum does not include sales tax, service charge or alcohol tax; these are all charged in addition to the minimum. 

Reception

Cocktail hour | Occurs prior to the reception at the reception venue. Generally, this hour provides  the newlyweds, family and wedding party time to complete photographs. 

Budget tip: Cut the cocktail hour to save on additional food and drink costs. 

Escort Cards | Often presented as cards, written on a mirror or printed on a board outside of the seating area, the “escort cards” inform wedding guests what table they are assigned to. This is a tool to create order as guests transition to the reception. Planning seating arrangements requires more time and effort in wedding planning, but provides structure and organization for guests. 

Budget tip: Group families or couples together, rather than one card per person, to save on materials and time. 

Place Cards | These small cards assign each guests to a specific seat at their table. The only time this is necessary is when guests choose their entree before the wedding (if the option is available on their RSVP card). The place cards are used to communicate with the catering staff for effective meal service. 

Introductions | The band or DJ can announce and introduce the bridal party and the bride and groom for the first time! Specific music, dance moves, or accessories can be incorporated to show off the personality of the entire bridal party. 

Pro tip: This time offers a chance for the bride and groom to transition directly from their introduction into their first dance. You already have everyone’s attention and it eliminates an interruption later in the evening! 

Blessing | Consider if you will include a blessing of the meal and, if so, who will offer the blessing at your reception. This person--whether a priest, friend, or family member--should be prepared beforehand. 

Special Dances | Beyond the bride and groom’s first dance, other special dances include the mother-son and father-daughter dance, an anniversary dance, sorority or fraternity dance, etc. It is important that these plans--including the timing and song requests--are clearly communicated with the band or DJ prior to the wedding day. 

Bouquet Toss and Garter Toss | These experiences are often seen as long-standing wedding traditions, buy are not necessary. If you don’t want to draw attention to single wedding guests, or if this elicits an uncomfortable environment for you (or your wedding guests), simply omit this tradition or replace it with another creative tradition, such as a special dance. Whether you decide to include the bouquet or garter toss or not, the plan needs to be communicated to your emcee or DJ. 

Cake Cutting | Beyond cutting the wedding cake, this moment typically includes toasts from parents, the best man, and the maid or matron of honor. 

Pro tip: Beginning the toasts and cutting-of-the-cake while guests finish dinner is an efficient way to capture the attention of wedding guests while they are all still in the room and provides more time to bust a move on the dance floor later! 

Send Off | The moment the wedding guests bid farewell to the bride and groom. Sparklers, confetti poppers, and bubbles are some of the common tools for a send off into their “happily ever after.” 

Pro tip: At the end of the reception, the send off is a great way to signal to guests that it is time to leave. This helps eliminate overtime fees at venues and with vendors who are paid by the hour. 

Rain Plan (or Plan B) | If the reception is an outdoor venue, a rain plan is absolutely necessary! Some venues may require a deposit if you want to include an outdoor tent as part of your rain plan, while other venues have an indoor option available. The peace of mind for the secondary plan may be worth every penny. 

Belly bar | This is a high-top table generally used during a cocktail hour or around the periphery of the reception venue for guests to watch the dance floor or mingle away from the crowds. 

What words did you learn in the process of wedding planning? Or what what words have your heard that you don’t understand? Share your knowledge with and bring your questions to Spoken Bride’s community of brides-to-be on Facebook and Instagram

Honoring Marriages at your Wedding

DENAE PELLERIN

 

We understand the vocation of marriage through the example of families. In a world full of broken marriages and wounded families, it can be difficult to find families that have withstood the temptation of divorce. 

People say the amount of people choosing to become married is decreasing, and many Catholics find despair in this reality. It was only when I became engaged that I began to consider another perspective as I approached my own sacrament of marriage. 

“What you guys are doing is amazing,” said my brother as he took photos of the new sparkly ring on my left hand. I was stunned by the words I never thought I would hear him say; he admits he is the last person who will likely get married. He went on to explain how in the 21st century there is no obligation towards marriage--the social norms surrounding sex, marraige, parenting and cohabitation, for example, present a lifestyle in contrast to Catholic teaching. 

He went on to admit that by choosing to get married, my fiancé and I were “choosing to suffer for one another,” intentionally choosing to a more difficult and inconvenient life out of love for one another. 

While he comprehended his observation, I was taken aback by an additional revelation: is choosing to get married more of a witness to Christ than ever before? Could it be possible that a decrease in marriage means the marriages in the world are rare but authentic and significant models of intimacy? 

This reality inspired me to honor the vocation of marriage and family more prominently at our wedding. 

My fiancé and I are extremely fortunate to have come from families where none of our parents or grandparents are divorced. We desired to honor the incredible foundation and value for marriage our families have given us. 

A Tribute to the Past 

Many weddings present a display of wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It is a beautiful way to commemorate their sacrament and to show the family history. We added a unique flair by inviting the women in our family to display their wedding dresses. 

My mother and paternal grandmother, mother-in-law and husband’s great-grandmother’s dresses were displayed. My dad built wooden stands, my mother-in-law found forms to display the dresses on, and my Mom designed and finalized the installation. My mother-in-law had made a baptismal gown out of her dress for our niece, and we ensured it was also displayed. A wedding dress is so special, and it was meaningful to bring the dresses out of the closet and put them on display again! 

In addition to the visual display, our emcees introduced our parents and grandparents and shared how long they have been married as well as something sweet about when they were dating or getting married during the meal. 

A Shared Table 

I once heard that to choose to have a child is to choose to make room for another person at your table. Psalm 128 speaks to children being “like olive shoots around your table,” which, according to Pope Francis, means children are full of energy and vitality while the parents are the foundation of the home. 

As you enjoy your first meal as husband and wife at your wedding reception, you establish a new foundation from which others will be invited to share at your table. But before that day, you were first invited to another’s table. 

On our wedding day, rather than having a traditional head table made up of the bridal party, we sat with those who gave us the foundation to build our own table—our parents. It was a sign of the two families becoming one new family; a moment in time where the tables we came from came together. 

As wedding speeches were shared, we laughed and cried with the four most significant people who taught us what it means to be married and to form a family. It was an intimate experience. And for a bride who was nervous about being the center of attention, I was empowered by the love of those around me to be present in the moment and emotionally vulnerable. 

An Alternative to a Bouquet Toss 

I love a good Beyonce moment, but instead of tossing my flowers, we surprised our guests with a different opportunity to take the bridal bouquet home. 

Our DJ invited all couples to the dance floor and we danced to the Brad Paisley song, “Then.” The emcees began asking people to leave the dance floor based on how long they had been married. To make it more fun, they did this by speaking about historical events in specific years. 

It began with the non-married or most recently married couples leaving the floor, which eventually revealed the longest married couple on the dance floor. This couple received my bridal bouquet and a round of applause for their decades of commitment. 

You learn about marriage and family life from your biological family, long before you say I do. Your wedding day is the first day of your marriage; it is also a day married couples are reminded of their own vows and the joy of new love and new beginnings. I challenge you to find ways to celebrate and thank married couples for their witness and to re-inspire them in their vocation. 

In what ways have you seen marriage honored and celebrated at a wedding? Share your experience and observations with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook or Instagram.


 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.” 

It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace. 

Photography: Fiat Photography

Photography: Fiat Photography

And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?

If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty. 

Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.

Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!

I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose. 

Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.

Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.

I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.

When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.

When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.

Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?

That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.


About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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