When Your Reception is "Just" In the Church Hall

In a culture awash with Pinterest-perfect images, it’s easy to feel inadequate about having a relatively simpler wedding. In a word, don’t.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Soul Creations Photography

Reception venues, in particular, can help convey the desired theme for your day, from a rustic-chic barn to an elegant ballroom. But what if these locations just aren’t in the cards for you?

Couples on a budget frequently turn to parish halls and event spaces for their receptions, and truly, they are as worthy a dwelling for your joy as anywhere. Even without certain amenities, your church hall reception will be beautiful, because at its heart it will reflect the love between you, your new husband, and your shared love for Christ. Consider these ways to embrace your reception situation.

No need to apologize.

Knowing you and your guests might have attended more elaborate wedding venues in the past, you might be tempted to apologize for “just” having a church hall reception. But there’s no need.

As much as guests might appreciate certain glamorous elements, it’s not the glamour they’re attending your wedding for. It’s you. And being there for you on your big day involves enjoying any and all offerings, from food to favors to music, with gratitude. You, your beloved, and your parents are the hosts of your day, and it’s gracious for hosts to embody poise and self-assurance, rather than self-consciousness, in their choices. Your guests will follow your lead and, in all likelihood, will be so happy to share in your day that anything besides your union with your new spouse will be secondary.

In the mid-twentieth century, many city parishes held weekly dances for young adults, as well as meals and shelter for those going without. The hall was a central part of parish life; in holding your reception in one, know that you’re taking part in a long tradition of Catholic culture. Additionally, there are the benefits of little to no travel time between your Mass and reception, allowing for more time for photos and with guests, and of knowing you’re making a financial contribution to the Church.

Cultivate creativity and confidence.

If your hall is simply arranged, consider it a blank slate and, if it's a priority for you, find ways to maximize the setting. Adding in ambient lighting to offset overhead bulbs, renting pretty chair and table covers, and using blank wall areas for décor can all help enhance your space.

What’s more, trust in your wedding vendors to help you maximize your resources. Coordinators, for instance, are familiar with working in a variety of settings. Photographers have trained themselves in using natural and artificial light to its best advantage and to prioritizing tighter, close-up shots when a location calls for it, all to produce beautiful images that capture the spirit of your day.

Remember it’s the experience that will linger.

Wedding photographers frequently say that no matter how well-dressed their clients are for a session, or no matter how beautiful the shooting location, if the clients feel stressed or awkward they won’t look at their final images with fondness. In other words, people generally remember how they felt more than what their surroundings were like. So strive to create a reception atmosphere that’s relaxed and festive, filled with affirmation, warm greetings, and dancing. When you and your guests look back at your wedding images, you’ll remember that palpable sense of joy more vividly than any other aspect.

The weddings we’re honored to share with you in this ministry range from elaborate to simple, with a variety of aesthetics unique to each of our brides and their beloveds. We love getting a glimpse of your hearts and hearing your stories, knowing you share with us a love for the good, true, and beautiful. And we know that you know it’s not about the material trappings of weddings: what shines forth most brightly, what makes a “Spoken Bride wedding,” and what we are here to share above all, is that a love rooted in Christ is the ultimate source of immense beauty in and of itself.

Classy and Unconventional Bridal Shower Themes

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Bridal showers are a wonderful opportunity for your friends and family to celebrate your upcoming nuptials in a more intimate, laid back environment. Unfortunately, bridal showers have the reputation for being stuffy, boring, and awkward. Chances are, you’ve been to a bridal shower (or two) where the conversation was stilted, the gift-opening took hours (or at least seemed like it), and neither the bride nor the guests had a fun time. I know I have.

What is a bride-to-be to do? You’re not in charge of planning your showers, but you will typically have some input in the process. If your bridesmaids, siblings, family friends, or extended family approach you and ask to throw you a shower, you have the opportunity to steer the party planners in a direction that both you and your guests will enjoy. If they ask, feel free to suggest themes, games, and even a location; chances are, your hostesses will appreciate the help!

What should you and your hostesses consider when planning a bridal shower? 

The Bride’s Personality

If you’re an extrovert, chances are you’re totally up for being the center of attention at your shower, won’t mind opening up your gifts in front of everyone, and/or playing games that involve lots of mingling. These same scenarios may be a nightmare for the introverted bride (or introverted guests). While it’s impossible to accommodate everyone’s personality at any party, the bride’s should certainly be taken into consideration during the planning process.

Note: if you want to avoid the gift-opening spotlight, consider asking guests to bring their gifts unwrapped. That way, everyone can see the presents and you can thank your guests for them without having to spend the majority of the party unwrapping gifts.

Guest List

Will all or most of the guests know each other? Will it be women only or co-ed? Are most of the guests the bride’s age or will there be guests of all ages in attendance? How many guests will be invited? The answers to these questions will directly impact the theme, so it's important to nail the guest list down before moving forward.

Theme

This is the fun part, and thankfully, these days there are more options than just sitting around with cake, punch, and a pile of presents. Since I’ve only been able to give input for my bridal showers (one was a wine-tasting shower and one was household themed), I asked Facebook friends to share their favorite themes and shower games, some of which are quoted below.

Tasting Theme: Are you a coffee or tea lover? Chocolate connoisseur? Is wine or beer tasting a favorite pastime of yours? A tasting party gives everyone at the shower something to enjoy--and takes the focus off of the bride if she’s introverted. Plus, it gives guests an opportunity to help the soon-to-be-married couple stock their bar or build their fancy tea/coffee collection.

“We set out cheeses, crackers, fruit etc...and paired the cheeses with wines. People could move around from table to table, tasting the pairings. We also did a little game, where people could guess what variety of wine was paired with each cheese (we covered the labels on the bottles so people couldn't cheat).” -Laurie

Honeymoon/travel theme: If you and your fiancé care more about having an exotic honeymoon than getting everything on your kitchen registry, consider a honeymoon or travel themed bridal shower. Honeymoon registries abound these days, and it’s simple to request on the invitation that guests contribute to the honeymoon fund instead of bringing a gift. Also: the decor, food, and even games can be centered around the honeymoon destination, which makes planning a breeze.

Game/activity idea: The Newlywed Game! My sister and I both played this at our bridal showers, and it was one of the best parts by far. The hostesses emailed the grooms-to-be questions about us, which they filmed themselves answering on their phones, and then sent back to the hostesses. We all watched the guys’ answers (which ranged from hilarious to heartwarming) on a big screen and compared them to the brides’ answers.

Adventure theme: If you’re the sporty type (and your guests are too), consider going on a hike or kayaking trip instead of having a traditional shower. Guests can be encouraged to purchase you and your fiancé outdoor and sporting goods off of your registry, and the hostesses can pack snacks and a bottle of bubbly for the end of the outing.

Game/activity idea: Since this type of shower is ideal for a smaller group, each guest could share a favorite memory with the bride, give an affirmation, or pray a blessing over her.

Literature or film theme: Are you a Janeite? Obsessed with Harry Potter? Have you always dreamed of having an Anne of Green Gables style tea party, complete with raspberry cordial (or currant wine)? Your bridal shower is a wonderful opportunity to make that dream come true.

“My bridesmaids had my shower at a tea house. We had a tea party and played a literary guessing game based on my favorite books. Tea, catching up with friends, and not being up on display was a dream for this socially anxious introvert!” -LeAnna

“I'm an insane fan of everything Nancy Drew. She was my favorite book character growing up, and I love how classy, smart, vintage, and strong she is about everything! My maid of honor is planning a vintage, Nancy Drew themed bridal shower where you have to come dressed up in classic Nancy Drew attire and all the guests are part of a mystery. Bless her for being willing to put so much time and effort into it.”-Mariah

Cooking/Baking Theme: If you love to cook or bake, why not share that passion with your guests? If you have a small enough guest list, the possibilities are endless: a group cooking class, gathering at a hostess' house and baking your own desserts, or even a potluck shower where each guest brings her favorite dish (along with a recipe card) are all great ideas.

Game/activity: Have each guest bring a recipe card and compile them all in a cute box for the newlyweds to use. One bride had a “spice shower” where each guest brought a spice or baking item and she had to try to bake a cake with the new items without looking at a recipe.

Open House Shower: This is ideal if you are planning a hometown wedding while living out of state and have limited time to spend with family and friends from home:

“For my sister we had an open house! She was out of state and everyone wanted to talk to her and catch up, which is really hard at a formal shower. It was in a home and each room had something different: food in one place, a "game" (a collaborative gift for my sister) was in another room, and my sister was in an large open space where she sat with people and opened their gifts as they came in. People stayed and sat and talked, but could come and go.” -Katie

Games and Activities: Have guests write down a piece of advice for the couple on a notecard as they walk in, and collect them all at the end for the bride to take with her.

”My matron of honor bought a Bible and asked everyone to underline a verse that had significance for them and then sign their name so I would keep them in my prayers as I was reading Scripture.” -Maggie

If you're in the bridal shower planning stages currently, I hope this list is helpful for you and the hostesses. If you've already had your showers and enjoyed them, or have planned bridal showers in the past, please share any advice you have regarding themes or games in the comments! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

What to Do if You're Nervous about the Wedding Night

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

Real talk: one of the things I was most stressed about during my engagement was the wedding night. While I was thankful that Kristian and I had (by the grace of God and the virtue of chastity) saved sex for marriage, I was also freaked out by the fact that in a few short months, I would finally be giving myself, body and soul, to the man I love.

I realize now that so many of my nerves were completely normal, and that most women (and men) who wait to make love until their wedding night have a similar experience. We all want our first night as a married couple to be beautiful and romantic and intimate...but what if it isn’t? What if it’s awkward, uncomfortable, or even physically painful?

To some extent, it’s impossible to dispel all of the pre-wedding night jitters. Even laid-back brides find that their wedding day can be emotionally exhausting (in a good way), and the pressure to have the perfect wedding night can seem overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be!

The Lord created us in such a way that sexual union between husband and wife naturally unfolds (yes, even the first time), and he established marriage as a lifelong union between spouses, meaning that your first time together on the wedding night is only the beginning of a lifetime of learning to love each other in this intimate way.

Hopefully, you have a married woman (or two) in your life who will help assuage any irrational fears you may have about the wedding night, but if you don’t (or are just too shy to ask), here are a few tips I found helpful:

Photography: Avenue Creative

Ask your fiancé to prepare in advance.

It’s no secret that men and women have different needs when it comes to foreplay and making love, but your husband-to-be may need to get some pointers from married friends (preferably Catholic ones) on how to best navigate these differences. The more he knows about how women work, the more smoothly your wedding night will go.

Relaxation is key.

At the end of your wedding day, you will probably be a strange mix of totally wired and completely exhausted. Regardless of where you are on the emotional spectrum, there’s a good chance you will need some relaxation time before you’re ready to make love. Talk to your fiancé about this before your wedding so that he’ll be prepared to wait a bit longer, and have some relaxation supplies (champagne, bubble bath, massage oils) ready at the honeymoon suite.   The more relaxed you are, the more enjoyable (physically and emotionally) love-making will be.

Pray beforehand.

It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out, but a simple, heartfelt prayer asking the Lord to bless your first night together will bring peace to both of your hearts and prepare you spiritually to consummate your marriage. If you're at a loss for words, consider making Tobias and Sarah's prayer (Tobit 8:4-8) your own. 

Talk honestly and openly about your experience the next morning.

The only way a couple can grow together sexually is by openly communicating their needs to one another. As awkward as it may feel at first, talking about your love making is essential to establishing a healthy, happy, mutually satisfying marital life together.

Don’t be afraid to wait a day (or two).

One of the reasons why so many women are nervous about the wedding night is because they have it in their heads that they must have incredible sex with their husbands on the first night of their marriage...or else. That’s simply not the case! Some couples decide to wait until the next morning so that they are more rested. Some are practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy and choose to delay consummation until after the woman’s fertile period is over. Regardless of what you and your husband decide to do, it is best to discuss it before you get to your honeymoon suite.

Be patient.

It’s okay if your first time making love isn’t amazing. Like anything important in marriage, it takes time and practice to learn what works and what doesn’t work for you as a couple. Be patient with yourself and with your husband, and remember that your first time won’t be your last time (even if you get pregnant right away, you can still make love throughout pregnancy). That said, if you experience any serious physical complications during love-making that make it difficult for you to give yourself fully to your husband, talk to your doctor as soon as possible.

One final note: if the thought of making love with your husband absolutely terrifies you due to wounds or trauma from your past, please consider going to therapy before you get married. Marital sex is supposed to be a beautiful expression of the love between spouses, not a source of fear or intense anxiety. Therapy can help you work through your past wounds so that you have peace about making love with your husband.

---

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why It Is a Blessing to Married Couples

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

It is NFP Awareness Week worldwide, and here at Spoken Bride, we couldn't pass up an opportunity to share the beauty of the Church's teaching on marriage, sexuality, and openness to life. We hope this post will be a helpful introduction or refresher for those of you are preparing for marriage, especially if your diocese or parish does not require an extensive course in NFP. Note that this is NOT an exhaustive resource on the Church's teaching or NFP. Please feel free to email us if you'd like any more information or want to hear about our personal experiences with NFP.

One of the most maligned and misunderstood teachings of the Church is her teaching on sexuality and chastity, specifically within the context of marriage. Some Catholics are under the impression that the Church requires everyone to have as many children as possible; some balk at the prohibition against contraception because it seems so unreasonable in the modern world; and some assume that since chastity is required before marriage, it must no longer be needed after a couple says, “I do.”

These misconceptions are completely understandable considering our current cultural climate, and the confusion that surrounds sexuality in general. The Church seems like a lone voice crying out in the wilderness of secular society, and it's often difficult for couples to hear that voice in the midst of the craziness of wedding planning. 

Erik Bello Photography.

The Church’s teaching on marital sexuality

In reality, the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality is both beautiful and challenging--just like the Christian life in general. According to the Church, all men and women, regardless of their state in life, are called to practice the virtue of chastity. Chastity is the virtue (spiritual strength) that helps us to integrate our sexuality into the entirety of our being, in order to  truthfully love those we are sexually attracted to instead of using them.

The practice of this virtue looks different depending on one’s state of life. For married couples, chastity means respecting the reality of sex and sexuality: that God designed sexual intercourse to be a unitive and procreative expression of love between a husband and wife. Marital love should be freely given, faithful (emotionally and sexually exclusive), total (the gift of one’s entire self, including fertility), and fruitful (open to having biological children, if able, and adopting/making marriage fruitful in some other way if biological children are not a possibility). Chastity for married people also means avoiding any lustful thoughts or actions: using others (even their wife/husband) as a means of getting sexual pleasure.

This means that anything that thwarts either the unitive or procreative aspects of marital love-making is contrary to God’s design for marriage and sex, and must be avoided. Contraception (both hormonal contraceptives and barrier methods), pornography, adultery, and the like all fall into the “sins against chastity within marriage” category.

Most people can see why pornography and adultery are on the list...but contraception? Isn’t this the 21st century? Doesn’t contraception help marriages by giving couples and easy way to avoid having a child if it wouldn’t be convenient or good for the family to do so? How can the Church expect so much of couples?

The Church can ask married couples to be open to life for the same reason she can ask us to love our enemies, or care for the poor, or put the needs of others before our own: Christ entrusted the Church with the ability to dispense divine life (grace) via the Sacraments, and marriage is a Sacrament.

God never leaves us alone in our attempts to follow his will--he always provides us with the grace to grow in virtue and practice self-control.

Yes, it is easier (in some ways) to take a birth control pill or have an IUD inserted or use a condom each time you have sex than it is to practice Natural Family Planning, in which couples prayerfully discern whether or not to avoid or postpone pregnancy by abstaining from sex during the wife's fertile cycle. But the Christian life is not about what is easy, it’s about what is true, good, and beautiful. And once the physiological and spiritual differences between avoiding pregnancy via contraception and avoiding pregnancy based on Natural Family Planning methods becomes clear, it is evident that the Church, like any good mother, only wants what’s best for her children.

If this is the first time you’re learning this information, you (or your fiancé) may have some questions, which is great! The first step to trusting Christ and the Church is to be open to learning the reasons behind Catholic teaching. Below are the answers to several frequently asked questions (based on my experience as a theology teacher, RCIA instructor, and marriage prep catechist).

Erik Bello Photography.

Frequently Asked Questions about NFP

I heard NFP is the rhythm method, and that the rhythm method isn’t reliable. Is that true?

No! NFP is not the rhythm method. You may have heard that it is because many of our parents and grandparents grew up thinking that was the only “natural” way to space children. Unfortunately, the rhythm method was based on the (faulty) idea that all women ovulate on day 14 of their cycle, which is not the case. Modern Natural Family Planning methods can be used by the majority of women, regardless of the regularity of their cycles, and are scientifically proven to be as effective as birth control when used correctly, because they are based on the observable signs of a woman’s fertility each month. Scroll down for a list of resources if you want to learn more about the different methods of NFP and which one would be best for you.

Isn’t NFP just “natural contraception”?

NFP can be used as a natural form of contraception, but that is not how the Church asks couples to use it. The Church teaches that couples must exercise prayerful and prudential judgment regarding avoiding/spacing pregnancy in each season of their marital life. This means that if a couple has a serious reason to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies, they may do so by not having sex during the fertile period of your cycle. It does not mean that Catholic couples may use NFP to indefinitely postpone/avoid pregnancy or avoid pregnancy for selfish reasons.

When is it okay to avoid/space your pregnancies?

The Church teaches that spouses should practice responsible parenting, meaning if a couple discerns that it is not the right time to have another child, the couple may avoid having sex during your fertile time until said problem is resolved. There is no obligation for couples to have sex during a woman’s fertile period each month. Therefore, it is not necessarily sinful to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies using NFP. However, it is essential that married couples prayerfully discern these decisions together, and, if need be, with a competent spiritual director.

What if I don’t want ten kids?

The Church does not teach that a woman must have as many children as her body can bear. Some couples are called to have large families, but not all. The important thing is, like in all aspects of the Christian life, to be open to the Lord’s plan being different from our plan. I know couples who desperately wanted to have large families and for whatever reason, have not been able to conceive or “only” have two or three kids. I know couples who never saw themselves having big families, but now have six, seven, or eight kids. Regardless of how many children a couple is blessed with, there will be crosses and difficulties and stressful situations. But there will also be the unspeakable joy that only comes when we let go of our plans and ideas and allow the Lord to take over.

WIll NFP ruin our sex life?

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy involves mutual sacrifice on the part of the husband and wife; it’s not easy to abstain from making love when a woman is fertile, nor is it easy to accept a child when he or she wasn’t “planned.” But it also involves increased communication between husband and wife, which can result in more intimacy, not less. The Church maintains that God would not ask something of us without giving us the grace to do it, which is one of the reasons why marriage is a Sacrament. That said, couples who practice NFP need the support and encouragement of like-minded couples, which is why building Catholic community in the local parish (or even online) is so important.

Do I have to learn/practice NFP?

Some couples have a “come what may” philosophy when it comes to family planning. They don’t learn or practice NFP (or use contraception). That is something that each couple must discern. However, it is a good idea to learn an NFP method in case you need it in the future to 1) become pregnant (this is actually one of the primary reasons why many couples practice NFP) or 2) avoid pregnancy should an issue arise later in your marriage. It’s also incredibly helpful for both husband and wife to understand and appreciate a woman’s cycle, especially if it is irregular. So many potential fertility issues can be resolved by practicing basic fertility awareness using NFP, and seeking out an NFP-only OB/GYN to address those issues.

Personally, I’m grateful that I began charting my cycle long before I met my husband, because I discovered that I have a progesterone deficiency, which can lead to difficulties becoming and/or staying pregnant. Thanks to NFP and my progesterone supplements, we are pregnant with our first child, and it only took us two cycles to conceive.

The bottom line:

Our perennial temptation as fallen human beings is to make idols. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we want to be our own gods, to make our own rules, and to live life on our terms. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we know how destructive that way of life is, even though it may seem easier in the short term. What Christ and the Church ask of us isn’t easy: surrender never is. But we’re not surrendering to a capricious God who wants us as his slaves; we’re surrendering to a loving Father who loves us as his children. Choosing to say “yes” to the Church’s teachings on marital chastity is not easy, but because God is the author of marriage and sex, following His commandments is the only true, good, and beautiful way to live out this vocation.

Resource List:

Books

Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (St. John Paul II)

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (not Catholic, but a good resource on fertility awareness)

The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning by Simcha Fisher

Articles/Blog posts:

Contraception: Why Not? By Dr. Janet Smith

Why not just use birth control? Some possible right answers. & NFP in real life: hard, but worth it. (both by Jenny Uebbing of Mama Needs Coffee)

When Natural Family Planning doesn’t go according to your plan (by Christy Isinger of Fountains of Home)

NFP should be a part of parish life (by Haley Stewart of Carrots for Michaelmas)

Dear Newlywed: you’re probably worried about the wrong thing. (by Kendra Tierney of Catholic All Year)

Podcast: Uncharted Territory: Getting Real about Natural Family Planning (Jenny Uebbing, Haley Stewart, and Christy Isinger)

General fertility education:

Natural Womanhood

Indy Fertility Care Blog

In Touch Fertility

NFP Methods:

The Couple to Couple League (Sympto-thermal NFP)

The Billings Method of NFP

The Creighton Method of NFP

The Marquette Method of NFP

NFP-friendly Medical Providers:

The Guiding Star Project (holistic women’s health clinics)

NaProTECHNOLOGY Practitioners in the United States

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

How to Get Your Marriage Blessed by the Pope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

My husband and I just returned from our babymoon/honeymoon part two, in which we traveled to Rome and several locations in Northern Italy. It was a beautiful trip, but by far the highlight was going to the papal audience on Wednesday, June 13, and being blessed by Pope Francis as part of the “Sposi Novelli” (newlywed) blessing. Our baby in utero got a special blessing as well! When I posted one of our photos on Instagram, I got lots of questions about how couples can go about planning their own newlywed blessing, so I thought I’d share some of what I learned from our experience.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

Order your tickets in advance.

All papal audience tickets are free, but due to the number of newlyweds who want to attend each week, you must request tickets from the Bishops’ Office for United States Visitors to the Vatican (contact your local diocesan office for information if you do not live in the US). It’s as simple as emailing the office a few months ahead of your visit, asking for Sposi Novelli tickets for the Wednesday audience you want to attend, and picking the tickets up between 3-6 PM on the evening before the audience. The office is near the Trevi Fountain and you can find directions to it on their website.

Be aware of the rules and restrictions.

According to the BIshops’ Office, couples are eligible for the Sposi Novelli blessing if they’ve been married for two months or less*, and must bring their marriage certificate, signed by a priest or deacon, with them to the audience.  

*In the interest of full disclosure, Kristian and I did not know this rule and had almost been married six months at the time of our Sposi Novelli blessing (we planned on going much earlier, but first trimester and international travel do not mix well). As I said before, our baby got blessed too as I was visibly pregnant, but that didn’t seem to bother anyone. If you want to get your marriage blessed but can’t go to Rome within two months of your wedding, it may still be possible, but it’s a good idea to check with the Bishops’ Office before you book your airline tickets.  

Plan your wardrobe.

 For the Sposi Novelli blessing, couples are expected to come in “wedding attire”, which broadly interpreted means men in suits and women in white dresses. At our audience, there were women fully decked out in their wedding dresses and grooms in tuxes, but that isn’t required. And if you go to Rome in the summer, you may want to forego the wedding dress simply due to the intense heat in St. Peter’s Square.  

A note about dress code: There’s no specific dress code to get into St. Peter’s Square, where the audience is held, but if you want to go into the Basilica afterward, you’ll need to have your shoulders and knees covered.

Get there early.

The Bishops’ Office recommends that you get to the audience as early as possible (the Square officially opens at 6:30 AM) even though the audience doesn’t begin until 10 AM. Kristian and I weren’t able to make it until about 8:30 due to jet lag, but even then almost all of the special seats for the Sposi Novelli were taken. It’s worth it to get there as early as possible, especially since there’s nothing quite like an almost-empty St. Peter’s Square in the early morning light. Just bring snacks, a water bottle, and some reading/prayer material with you to pass the time.

Note: The Basilica does not open until a couple of hours after the audience concludes, so you won’t be able to go to Mass beforehand.

Pay attention to the weather.

I’ve been to Rome during every season except Fall (which I hear is gorgeous), and as much as I love the Eternal City, I must say that summer (mid-June through August) is a tough time to visit. The heat can be oppressive and there’s little relief from trees or ubiquitous A/C. But if summer is your only option, there are a few things you can do to beat the heat at the Sposi Novelli blessing:

-Don’t wear your wedding dress unless it’s light, airy, and breathable. Consider purchasing a white dress that will allow you to look bridal without overheating.

-Advise your husband to wear a lightweight summer suit.

-Bring an umbrella or parasol (I’m so thankful that the Italian couple sitting next to us let me huddle under theirs).

-Bring a LARGE bottle of water and refill it while you’re waiting in one of the natural fountains in the Square.

-Wear sunglasses.

-Bring something to fan yourself with. Trust me.  

Note: If you are planning a winter or spring visit to the Vatican, an umbrella is also a good idea as it tends to rain more often during those seasons.

Bring any religious articles you'd like blessed by the Pope.

At the end of the audience, the Holy Father will do a general blessing of any and all religious articles that you’ve brought with you. I wish I had remembered to bring the rosary that was wrapped around my bouquet! 

Be aware that you may not get a cool photo with Pope Francis.

Depending on the time of year, the number of couples sitting in the Sposi Novelli section varies quite a bit. Couples from all over the world (especially Italy and other countries in Europe) come for the newlywed blessing.  You’re more likely to get facetime with the Holy Father if you do not go during the summer. If you do go during the summer, like Kristian and I did, be prepared for the possibility that you may only get a general greeting from the Pope. We were able to get to the front of the line because I'm pregnant (pregnant women, I learned, are treated like royalty in Rome), but that was an unexpected blessing as there were over 100 newly married couples in attendance that day! My brother and sister-in-law, who went in May 2016, were part of a much smaller group in which everyone got a personal greeting from the Pope.

Note: if you do get photos with Pope Francis, you’ll have an opportunity that afternoon to peruse them, choose the ones you like, and have them printed out for you for a small fee.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

What if you can't make it to a papal audience for a special newlywed blessing? Are your dreams of papal marriage blessings dead? Not at all! You always have the option of requesting a Papal blessing for your marriage directly from the Vatican, which is printed on parchment and sent to your home.

I hope this has been a helpful guide for planning a Sposi Novelli trip to Rome. If you're engaged and planning on honeymooning in Rome or a newlywed who recently made the trek, we'd love to hear about your experience in the comments! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Creating a Meaningful Wedding Mass Program

The audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/13/2020.

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Without a doubt, designing the program for our wedding Mass was my favorite part of the entire wedding-planning process.  I have a lifelong passion for communicating and explaining the truths of our faith to others: I was a high school theology teacher for nine years and have been a catechist of some kind since college. I saw my program as an opportunity to explain, particularly to our non-Catholic and non-practicing-Catholic guests, the beauty of the Mass and the Church’s teaching on marriage. I’m not naive to think that everyone present actually read the program, but I knew that some people would, and prayed that the Lord would use it to draw our wedding guests more deeply into the liturgy. 

Leah Muse Photography

Be clear about the mechanics of Mass.

Perhaps the most confusing thing for non-Catholics when they come to Mass, especially for the first time, is all of the standing, sitting, kneeling, and responding that we do. Normally, the priest will give directions to the congregation (most priests are well aware that a percentage of those at Catholic weddings are not familiar with the Mass), but sometimes he forgets or people need extra reminders. This is where your program comes in. Below is an example of what I mean:

First Reading

Please sit

When the lector says “The Word of the Lord,” at the conclusion of the reading, you may respond “Thanks be to God.”  

These instructions won't increase your page count by much, and go a long way to making non-Catholics feel more comfortable during Mass. Note: if you use Latin Mass parts, it’s a good idea to provide your guests with a translation.

Leah Muse Photography

Break Open the Word

Chances are that the priest or deacon who preaches at your wedding won’t have time to go into detail about each of your chosen readings, which may leave your biblically illiterate guests feeling a bit lost. One way to help them understand the Scripture readings is to provide brief explanations of why you chose each reading, and if necessary, some context for your readings. Believe it or not, most of your wedding guests (even the faithful Catholic ones) probably haven’t read the entire book of Tobit. Here’s what I wrote for our first reading:

First Reading Tobit 8:4b-8   

Context: Tobit’s son, Tobiah, has just married his kinswoman Sarah at the encouragement of the (disguised) archangel Raphael. Sarah is oppressed by a demon who has killed her last seven husbands on their wedding night. Raphael helps Tobiah and Sarah to vanquish the demon and encourages them to pray before consummating their marriage.

The couple chose this reading because of the important role that prayer has played (and will continue to play) in their relationship, and because the prayer of Tobiah and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis.

Leah Muse Photography

The Rite of Marriage

It’s no secret that Catholic weddings are different from secular, or even Protestant weddings, but many of your guests may not realize that the Catholic understanding of marriage is unique as well. Consider including an explanatory line or two about marriage as a Sacrament, the significance of the vows and rings, and an explanation of any special wedding traditions you’re incorporating into the rite (such as holding a crucifix or exchanging arras). For example:

In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament, which means that it is a visible sign of God’s grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which Divine life is dispensed to us. This is what makes Catholic marriage so much more than a legal union, and why it must be--like God’s love for us--free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Ideally, a marriage between two Christians should be a clear, visible sign of God’s love for his people.

A note about the crucifix: Kristian and Christina decided to incorporate the Croatian tradition of holding a crucifix together while professing their vows. This symbolizes the fact that marriage, like all vocations, is a sharing in Christ’s cross and resurrection, and that both spouses are called to lay down their lives for one another as Christ did for us. The couple will hang the crucifix in a place of honor in their home so that they can be reminded to carry their crosses together and unite their sufferings with Christ’s.

Leah Muse Photography

The Source and Summit

The Liturgy of the Eucharist is the reason why Catholics celebrate the marriage rite within the context of the Mass. Unfortunately, the Blessed Sacrament is also commonly mistaken for a mere symbol or ritual by non-Catholics (and misinformed Catholics), which is understandable considering how mysterious the Real Presence is. A little bit of explanation goes a long way to clearing up these misconceptions. Here’s what we did:

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

The Eucharist is the “source and summit” of the Catholic faith, because it is Jesus himself, mysteriously present, body, blood, soul, and divinity under the signs of bread and wine. Thus, the Liturgy of the Eucharist is the high point of the Mass.

Offertory

During the offertory, we bring up the bread and wine that will be offered to the Father and transformed by the Holy Spirit into the Body and Blood of Christ. We also present our hearts, minds, souls, and all of our cares and concerns to the Father who loves us. The prayers of blessing that the priest prays over the gifts hearken back to the prayers of blessing over meals that Jesus would have prayed at the Last Supper that he shared with his disciples.

Great Amen

At the end of the priest’s prayer, the congregation chants “Amen”. In saying “Amen”, we say “yes, I believe” that the bread and wine that were on the altar are now sacramentally Jesus’ body and blood.

Who may receive the Eucharist?

Only baptized Catholics who have received their first communion, are practicing the faith, and are not aware of having committed mortal sins since their last confession may receive the Eucharist. If you are not going to receive, please remain in your seat and pray for and with the couple.

Not only were these explanations helpful to our non-Catholic family and friends, but we  had faithful Catholic guests approach us after the wedding and comment on how beneficial these explanations were for them and their own prayer during Mass.

Leah Muse Photography

There’s Something about Mary…

After teaching the faith for over a decade, it no longer surprises me when non-Catholics and Catholics alike think that we worship Mary. Usually, this is the result of a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “worship.” Worship is not the same as prayer, reverence, or honor. Worship is the surrender of one’s entire self to someone or something--and that surrender is due only to God. If you’re planning on presenting a bouquet of flowers to Mary as a couple during your nuptial Mass and know you’ll have Protestant guests at your wedding who may be confused about how we understand Marian devotion, consider including something like this in your program:  

It is traditional for the newly married couple to honor Mary with a gift of flowers. Contrary to popular misconception, Catholics do not worship Mary. Worship is due to God alone. We honor Mary as Jesus’ mother, the woman whose “yes” made our salvation possible. “What the Catholic faith believes about Mary is based on what it believes about Christ, and what it teaches about Mary illumines in turn its faith in Christ” (Catechism of the Catholic Church # 487).

Again, I don’t know if anyone read this explanation or had their minds or hearts changed on the matter of honoring Mary, but I DO know that if they wanted more information, it was available to them.

Leah Muse Photography

Little extras

If you have room in your budget for a long-ish program, consider adding some inspirational quotations from Scripture, Saints, or theologians. I’ve compiled a short list below of some of my favorites, but there are many more to choose from!

"Love is the light--and in the end, the only light--that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us the courage needed to keep living and working. Love is possible, and we are able to practice it because we are created in the image of God." --Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

“Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb.” --Catechism of the Catholic Church #148-150

“Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.” --St. John Paul II

“How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.”--Tertullian, an early Church Father

"Then, in the excess of my delirious joy, I cried out: O Jesus, my Love...my vocation, at last I have found it...MY VOCATION IS LOVE!" --St. Therese of Lisieux

St. Gregory of Nazianzus on the marriage of his parents: "They encourage us to virtue...he has been her good shepherd, whom she has prayed for and guided on his way; from her he has received the model for being a good shepherd. Both are of one dignity, of one mind, of one soul, no less in partnership of virtue and closeness to God than in a partnership of flesh. They compete with each other equally in length of life and silver of hair, in prudence and in brilliance...they are held back little by the flesh, far advanced in spirit...The world is both not theirs and theirs-one world they ignore, the other they far prefer. They have disposed of their riches, and have become rich through the industry of holiness, despising one sort of wealth and buying instead the riches of the world to come."

“Do not forget that true love sets no conditions; it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves.” --St. John Paul II

I hope this has been a helpful guide to creating a more meaningful program for the most important part of your wedding day. Please feel free to copy and paste any part of this post to use for your program, and share with other Catholic brides-to-be who may be interested.

---

Spoken Bride offers a beautiful, pre-formatted, and customizable Novus Ordo Wedding mass program that clearly, respectfully explains the Catholic faith and liturgy. Please visit our shop for more information.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Consider a Betrothal Ceremony: What it Is, Why it's Significant + How to Plan One

DOMINIKA RAMOS

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

Audio Block

Double-click here to upload or link to a .mp3. Learn more

When my husband and I became engaged, we decided to have a betrothal ceremony. At the time, we knew very few couples who had had one, and fewer people still who knew anything about it. 

A betrothal ceremony, or a Rite of Betrothal, is the traditional way of becoming officially engaged in the eyes of the Church. It's a short but beautiful ceremony, in which the couple solemnly pledges to marry one another on a specified date. We were drawn to the ceremony for several reasons:

image: Jiza Zito

As a blessing for our engagement.

My husband and I were both in school during our engagement. In the midst of scouring the web for bridesmaid dresses and trying to keep up with reading for class, it was a lovely pause in our lives to solidify our response to the call of marriage and receive graces that helped make our engagement a period of deeper spiritual enrichment than it might have felt otherwise. 

One element I particularly love about the Rite is that it includes a blessing over the engagement ring. There's a temptation as a newly engaged young woman to scrutinize and compare rings with other engaged friends, yet having your ring blessed can be a powerful reminder to reject comparison. It's a gift to receive your engagement ring again after the ceremony, now transfigured by the blessing into a sacramental. These days when I'm changing diapers or washing dishes and catch a glance of my sacramental engagement and wedding rings, it serves as a reminder to say a quick prayer for my marriage and family. 

As an opportunity for our families to come together to celebrate our engagement.

We tried to keep things simple in planning our wedding, so our betrothal ceremony became the perfect opportunity to get our families together in lieu of having an elaborate engagement party. If you or your fiancé come from a family that isn't particularly religious, the ceremony can be an opportunity to express to them your belief that marriage and family are founded on, and strengthened by, faith.

As a reflection of how seriously we took marriage.

Far more than being a nice thing to do, a Rite of Betrothal contractually obligates the engaged couple to be married on a specific date. What the man has proposed to the woman then becomes a binding agreement, which, if the engagement were to be called off, would have to be formally dissolved by a priest. Thus, for the couple and for the witnesses, the ceremony sets the tone for the gravity of marriage as not merely a declaration of love, but a profound covenant wrought by God.

Betrothals can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. We held our betrothal ceremony after our parish's Saturday Vigil Mass in the small chapel where we'd gotten engaged, with only our immediate family members present. However, another bride I know had hymns, flowers, formal invitations, and a guest list of fifty.

You might have yours after Sunday Mass with family members and your bridal party and go out to brunch afterwards. You might have a larger ceremony and have a reception in place of an engagement party. Or you might have it at your parents' home, with a private Mass and an intimate dinner, if you have a family friend who is a priest.

Unless your priest is familiar with old and somewhat obscure devotions of the Church, it's likely that he won't have heard of a betrothal ceremony. The priest who did our ceremony (and later celebrated our marriage) happened to be a zealous convert to the faith, so he was thrilled when we introduced him to this tradition. If you're met with hesitation, seeking out a priest who is more comfortable with traditional liturgical practices might be the way to go. 

Engagement is frequently seen as a frustratingly harried waiting period, but it's not. It's a pilgrimage. And a betrothal ceremony is a holy seal and blessing sending you on your way down the path to your vocation--down the path to greater union with God. In a world where the meaning of marriage is constantly misshapen to fit personal desires, a betrothal ceremony is a beautiful and bold way of witnessing to the truth of God's design for this sacrament.

The text for the Rite of Betrothal can be found here.

---

Dominika Ramos is a native of Houston, Texas though she dreams of spending her days frolicking in the English countryside. She and her husband met at the University of St. Thomas, where she studied English literature, and they were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham on the Feast of the Visitation in 2014. Her life is currently composed of running Pax Paper, a hand-lettering and illustration business, blogging about the transcendental aspects of motherhood (among other things) at A Quiet Quest, and chasing after her rambunctious and delightful toddler son.  PAX PAPER | BLOG | INSTAGRAM

How to Request an Official Papal Blessing for Your Marriage + Home

ANDI COMPTON

This article was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

Have you ever admired the beautiful, hand-painted certificates at your parish or at a friend's home, commemorating an individual or couple's lifetime or sacramental milestone? This Apostolic blessing from the Pope, known also as a Benediction Papalis, is available to any baptized Catholic. Requesting a blessing from the Holy Father, along with a certificate that tangibly commemorates that blessing, is a surprisingly simple process that costs under $50 to cover the cost of the hand-drawn and lettered parchment and the shipping from Vatican City (wedding or Christmas gifts, anyone?).

The Apostolic Blessing is granted for Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, Priestly Ordination, Religious Profession, Secular Consecration, Ordinations of Permanent Deacons, marriage anniversaries (10, 25, 40, 50, 60 years), birthdays (18, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100), and upon Catholic individuals or families.

Requests for Papal Blessings on parchment are only available online as of March 10, 2019. There are several beautiful parchments available to choose from, ranging from €18-26. The time required for receiving the parchment is approximately 20 days from the date the request is received, but plan on one month just to be sure it arrives on time. Postage is €18 with DHL Worldwide.

A statement from your diocese or the recipient’s diocese to certify that they are in good standing with the church is no longer required, however you are responsible for declaring that the person(s) you are requesting the blessing for are baptized Catholics, living a Christian life, are not participating in any groups hostile to the faith, are married in the Church, are not under any canonical penalties, and do not hold public office or public roles.

https://www.elemosineria.va/parchments/

---

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST