The Posture of Preparation

ADELAE ZAMBON

 

We dream about it as a little girl: our wedding; that encounter with our groom. We wonder who he will be; what the day will be like.

Once we’ve met him and a word of commitment to forever is exchanged, we prepare for that long-awaited day. We ready ourselves for our groom.

As months, weeks, days, and hours pass and lead us closer to the moment we meet him as his bride, we meticulously choose colors, centerpieces, flowers, a wedding dress, our bridal garments; we adorn ourselves with hairpieces, earrings, the special ring, a sweet scent; we clean our bodies and our souls for the Sacrament, entering into the covenant. Attentive to every detail, we ready ourselves.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we walk through another preparatory season, one set aside to recall and celebrate Christ’s first Advent, His coming to us in His nativity. Yet, it is also a time to meditate on His promise to return, that He will come again. For that second Advent, we are summoned to be ready.

What does it mean “to be ready?”

At its foundation, it means living a life of prayer and frequenting the Sacraments; remaining in a state of grace and perpetual detachment of this world, our souls en garde for the next. It looks like living intimacy with Christ as our hopeful hearts anticipate Him.

It also means maintaining a posture of readiness in all that we do, perhaps even in our vocation. 

Through the language of the body, what we actively set in motion can impact our spiritual disposition. 

When we open our hands with receptivity in prayer; when we genuflect or bow down; when we physically seek out Jesus in Church, these physical gestures have the ability to translate to the openness of our soul to the Lord.

What if this is true in our homes as we live in preparation for our Bridegroom, Jesus? What if, as we practice readiness, service and hospitality towards our spouse, our “bridegroom of the present,” we prepare ourselves for Love Himself to return?

What if the posture of bridal anticipation and receptivity in expectation of Christ, our Bridegroom can manifest and can form and mold our hearts in the way we await, greet and serve our husbands in the home?

The childlike heart of my son has taught me much about looking forward to the arrival of his father. His first words when he wakes from his nap are most often, “wait for Dada?” He knows his father will be back after a long day at work and he wants to be there, outside, on the curb to greet him.

Through the beautiful witness of this little one’s pure love, my husband’s homecoming is truly celebrated after great expectation. Now, it is the highlight of our day. When he returns, we meet him with the depths of enthusiasm and joy of being reunited with the one we missed during his absence.

This has brought me to reflect upon meeting Jesus when He comes back for us. Am I ardently perched on the stoop of my heart yearning to encounter Him? 

We can choose to make every greeting with our spouse a prayer for our readiness to greet Christ Himself. We can pray for our spouse’s encounter at that time with his Lord. And we can pause to reflect in this routine or “commonplace” moment with awe upon the inconceivably greater joy it will be when it is our Lord we are reunited with.

In a similar way, as we set the table, prepare a meal, tidy the house, furnish the homespace, our gestures of hospitality and service can serve our growth in intimacy with Our Lord. In Theology of the Home by Carrie Gress and Noelle Mering, readers are introduced to the idea that the interior of our domestic churches, our homes, is meant to draw those who come within to a reflection of their Eternal Home. 

Our domestic church sanctuaries are meant to bring us into encounter with the Divine like walking into our parish sanctuary.

The daily, mundane tasks can become a prayer and the posture we hold as we go about them can cultivate within us a lamp that is lit for the visit Christ will pay us one day.

Growing up, preparing for my own father’s return home after a work day, we would tidy the home, help prepare the evening meal and try to create an environment of calm, warmth and hospitality despite the rowdy, energy of eight young ones running about. 

Vividly, I recall my mom explaining she must “prepare her home for her king;” this is how she saw making a home for my dad. I have taken this to heart in serving my own king of the home, who I have been called to serve. Each motion serves as a reminder of how I want my external and internal space to be when Jesus knocks on my door. I want my abode to be ready to welcome him.

Readiness for Christ requires us to ready our soul. The Sacraments cultivate spiritual receptivity. They heal us and call us into union with Him through the grace we are given there. Prayer without ceasing keeps us aware and attuned to HIS movements - where is He, where is He calling us and when is He coming for us. 

Ultimately, too, this intimacy with Christ is the catalyst for intimacy between a husband and wife. And our marital union here foreshadows and forms us for the heavenly union with our Bridegroom. We are His bride. On Him, we wait. For us, He shall come. Make haste, light your lamp.


About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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An Unexpected Hour: Encountering the God of Surprises

ERIN BUCHMANN

 

Advent can feel like a challenging season if it comes at a time when God doesn’t seem to be answering our prayers.

The season invites us to recall images of the Annunciation, the Visitation, and the journey to Bethlehem for the birth of Christ. Mary is pregnant, eagerly awaiting the birth of Christ and the imminent fruition of God’s long-promised salvation. God’s hand is visibly at work in her life and in the world. 

The hour of redemption that the world has been preparing for since the Fall in the garden of Eden is quickly approaching. Jesus is near.

Yet, for us, sometimes Advent can come during a season of life when Jesus feels less near, God less active. 

Sometimes we may feel more like the patriarch Jacob’s wife, Rachel: forgotten, abandoned by the Lord. We long for the fulfillment of the desires of our hearts, and yet we know full well that only God can fulfill our desires for children, for a spouse, for love. It can feel as though God isn’t listening to our prayers when we don’t see them answered as we expect.

Approaching Advent as a time of preparation to meet Christ, both at Bethlehem and at the second coming, is not a wrong way of approaching the season. But if you find yourself feeling frustrated by Christ’s seeming absence this year, I encourage you to try approaching Advent in a different way. 

Instead of looking for the expected Christ, as the savior for whom you have been eagerly waiting, open your heart instead to encounter the Christ of the unexpected, the God of surprises.

What do I mean by this? You may have your life planned out in your mind. You have your hopes and your dreams, which you have brought repeatedly to God and placed at His feet. I encourage you to go one step further. 

Set those hopes and dreams and that plan for your life at God’s feet and leave them there. Then keep walking forward in your life. Take the next right step, as you understand it. Don’t over-analyze. If you find peace, continue forward. If not, change something. You might discover Christ waiting for you behind a door you only needed to open.

God knows the plans we hold, and our dreams. He likes it when we bring these things to Him in prayer. But God is not a machine, where an input of this prayer yields that result. We cannot fathom His timing. 

As in our lives, God’s action and presence in the story of the first Advent is comprehensible only in retrospect. To Mary, Elizabeth, and Joseph, it was shrouded in mystery.

When we view God as a machine, we essentially reverse our roles. We imagine ourselves as the mover and God as the instrument. 

By surrendering our hopes to Him, especially the ones we hold most dear, we adopt a true Advent mindset, the mindset of Mary. We adopt a mindset of trust in God’s goodness. 

Trust doesn’t plan, nor does it cling to what was left behind. It does not become discouraged, because it does not expect. It simply believes in the goodness of the One in whom it is placed. It allows God to work in our lives as He wishes, not as we hope or envision. It helps us to accept everything we receive from God as a gift.

You will walk through Advents when your life doesn’t feel like Mary’s, when there is no Joseph standing beside you or when your womb is frustratingly empty. Do not become discouraged. Christmas is not a deadline by which Jesus is bound. 

He loves you, and He actively works in your life whether you see His hand or not. Have the courage to allow Him to surprise you with His good gifts, according to His timing. God is trustworthy. He will not leave you abandoned, or lonely, or empty. At an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come .


About the Author: Erin Buchmann hails from the frozen wilderness of central Minnesota. She and her husband are the parents of three little miracles.

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It's Here! All About Our New Advent Book Release.

Today it’s our joy to announce the launch of our first full-length book, Awaited: an Advent Devotional for Catholic Couples!

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A longtime dream, we wrote Awaited specifically for couples to share in this season, side-by-side and face-to-face. While we've encountered a variety of liturgical resources for personal reflection, geared toward men or women individually, we envisioned a resource couples could use together--growing in understanding and delving deeper into the heart of God all the while. And here it is! 

We know engagement and married life are ripe for imagining the type of home, traditions, and celebrations you hope to create for your family.

So we’re so proud to offer you a devotional that’s both practically and spiritually edifying, rooted in Scripture and prayer, and encourages you and your beloved to dream and converse. We sincerely hope you love it and that it bears fruits in your relationship year after year.

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

  • Weekly focal points emphasizing different aspects of preparing for Christ's birth: preparing your home, your family, your marriage, and your hearts for the Christmas season

  • Daily reflections, questions, and action steps to read and discuss as a couple

  • Four guided prayer exercises intended to strengthen your shared spiritual lives, throughout Advent and beyond

Ready to get your copy? Ideal for any season of engagement, newlywed life, and years into marriage, Awaited is available now through Amazon and Barnes & Noble, in a digital format or beautifully finished, matte cover paperback.

Wait in hope. The Awaited One––He who will transform our marriages and our lives ––is near.

The Ideal Gift

MARISOL B.

 

This has been one of those years that invites us to deep reflection on what we may consider ideal for ourselves and our life. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

At the stroke of midnight on the first day of 2020, we likely pictured the perfect set of circumstances, making this year “the one.” The one where I finally meet my future husband, plan my ideal wedding, travel to a faraway destination, or any other ideal gift matching the deepest desire of our heart.

“Everything is gift,” Saint Therese of Lisieux wrote in her autobiography, and this year was not the exception. 

I got married in October 2007 and every anniversary thereafter, I reflect on the many experiences of our marriage - so beautiful and profound, and challenging in ways we never quite imagined.

Much like, 2020 – our marriage has taught us to receive the many gifts that are presented to us as ideal, despite their initial appearance. 

We are well aware that anything that is allowed into existence has the potential for goodness, truth and beauty – therefore, we have embraced each set of circumstances and resolved to make something truly fruitful out of it all.

An impossible request

Several years ago, I heard of the Walk of the Incarnation, a Novena for Impossible Requests-- a 9-month long prayer which begins on the Feast of the Annunciation and ends on Christmas Day. 

I prayed it fervently each night; entrusting very special requests that would help our marriage continue to grow and thrive.

God is still working on the timing for those very specific requests, and this year proved to be one of great hope. 

At the beginning of the pandemic (namely on the Feast of the Annunciation), my husband and I fully stopped to evaluate our marriage and the ways in which we might have stopped being a mutual gift – encumbered by daily distractions. In the middle of added uncertainty, we pondered what could be the most generous call for us, during this season of life.

Throughout this period, we have grown closer and renewed our conviction for one another, as we remember the God-given mission each of us has received.

I will say; however, that what has made the most impact in our marriage throughout the years, is the decision for a constant prayer life and true intimacy with Christ; both as a couple and as individuals.

Walking with Mary

It is when I am at my best as a woman, that my marriage thrives. My whole household flourishes, and the fruits get to become abundant enough to share with others around us. This is why, walking alongside Mary, fully aware of Jesus’ presence – has been the most profound reflection to be had during this time.

For nine months after the Annunciation, Mary got to ponder and experience Christ’s presence within her, as the tabernacle. She allowed her body to become a perfect little dwelling for Him, who would become the Temple; the one to be destroyed and restored within three days.

Walking alongside Our Blessed Mother, during this time of pandemic; has prepared my soul for the birth of Our Lord. It has reminded me that in the measure that I become the “ideal woman” all the gifts bestowed upon us in our life and marriage, also become ideal.

I am learning to dream big and bold; to envision the great possibilities for our family and to cooperate in their co-creation by remembering my dignity and identity in God, and the unique ability and mission given to me from birth. I am learning to take the practical steps to turn those dreams into goals and concrete action. I am learning to better cooperate with the Divine, by becoming a better earthen vessel which carries the treasure of abundant life within.

I invite you to dream big, and to receive wholeheartedly the greatest gift of all, the one of God’s presence in our midst; regardless of circumstances.


About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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Editors Share | Advent + Christmas Traditions in Marriage

The Advent and Christmas seasons in the Church are rich in tradition and customs and every family has their own unique ways of celebrating and observing these liturgical seasons. 

Today, members of the Spoken Bride team share some of the holiday traditions they brought into their marriages and the new traditions they are cultivating with their husbands and children. 

Jessica Jones, Contributing Writer

This year, my husband and I are trying to remember Advent as a time of prayer by incorporating the Rosary together into our lives more frequently! Can’t say we’ve been super successful, but hey, we’re trying! We plan also to steal a friend’s tradition of putting the tree up on Saint Nicholas Day. 

Most of our other ideas so far are food related: we want to do the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve (a tradition I’d like to resurrect from my Italian side) before Midnight Mass, and we’ll make my family’s traditional lasagna for Christmas dinner. I also may try to make a pitta ‘mpigliata, a Calabrian Christmas pastry that my relatives used to make.

 

Andi Compton, Co-Founder & Business Director

I brought zero Advent traditions into our marriage, I didn’t even start going to Christmas Mass until we were engaged because I didn’t realize it was a Holy Day of Obligation.  I grew up celebrating Noche Buena on Christmas Eve and having a low key Christmas Day.

Now on Advent evenings we dim the lights, sing a verse of “O Come O Come Emmanuel” while we light the candles on the Advent wreath, say a little prayer, and then read the scripture for our Jesse Tree ornament. 

Stockings are filled for St. Nicholas Day, one of our daughters dresses up for St. Lucy’s day and makes hot cocoa (this is usually when we put up outdoor lights), and we have Mexican food for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. 

We usually do a family gathering on the 24th, then Christmas morning Mass followed by presents and brunch. No present opening until after Mass! Then Los Reyes bring oranges for their shoes and little trinkets on Epiphany. There’s also some Elf on the Shelf thrown in there (we’re up to three elves!)

 

Catherine Boizelle, Community Manager

I brought the classic tradition of praying and lighting candles on the advent wreath daily—my husband is a convert so this is all new to him! This year we’ve chosen Blessed is She’s advent devotional Maranatha and have been getting up early to pray with our morning coffee at the kitchen table. While not really a tradition, we are trying to attend daily mass together twice a week as well. 

 

Stephanie Calis, Founder and Editor in Chief

My husband and I have prayed the St Andrew novena for the past 6 or 7 years during Advent, and it is truly amazing to see the big things the Lord can do when we come to him and to Our Lady in complete humility and confidence. More recently, we’ve started having candlelight dinners during the Advent season, which has been really special for our kids. And we always listen to the same album, Bebo Norman’s Christmas from the Realms of Glory, on our drive to Christmas Eve with extended family. The opening song signals the start of Christmas for us—I highly recommend choosing a particular album or playlist as a foundation for your own family’s season!

 

Dominika Ramos, Contributing Writer

I came into marriage with so many ideas and have had to tone down my enthusiasm after the reality (exhaustion) of kids hit me. We light the advent wreath at dinner, or more often breakfast with the kids on weekdays. 

We put shoes out for oranges and chocolate coins from St. Nicholas on December 6th which is something I grew up with, but I've added the kids getting a Christmas book from St. Nicholas to add to our collection every year. This year I ordered St. Nicholas postcards to write the kids notes from St. Nicholas a la Tolkien letters from Father Christmas style. We'll see if I keep it up.

This year I'm having the kids memorize a poem and carol to share with our family and as a gift for baby Jesus on Christmas day. I'm trying really hard to find a way to avoid the focus of Christmas morning being just the stuff.

My sister usually makes a crazy good seven fish stew for Christmas Eve. We listen to Sufjan Stevens “O Holy Night” and Benjamin Britten's “Ceremony of Carols” on the way to midnight Mass. 

Our whole family comes over Christmas morning and I make biscuits and gravy and my sister brings to-die-for coffee iced cinnamon rolls. Then we go over to my parents in the evening for a traditional Slovak dinner.

Happy Thanksgiving from Spoken Bride! Holiday Wedding Inspiration + Reflections for the Season.

From us to you, Happy Thanksgiving Day! May the Father draw your gaze to all of his gifts and pour out his abundance in your vocation.

Here, as the holiday season begins, our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more.

Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

Liturgical Living + Advent

A prayer of thanksgiving for couples | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | The sense of waiting continues on into married life. Yet the Lord is ever present and there is much “joyful hope.” | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Even Saint Thérese experienced longing and impatience to begin her vocation. Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Gifts

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5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | Spoken Bride Vendors share Christmas gift ideas, including many custom and handmade items | A gift guide curated by the Spoken Bride team

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved

Holiday Weddings

Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

The team shares favorite winter and holiday date ideas:

“Getting coffee and going to see Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Shopping for a holiday gift or food drive. Local Christmas programs or pageants, and cookie decorating!” - Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

“Volunteering at a food shelter.” - Andi Compton, Business Director

“Baking pies!” - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

“Seeing light displays and attending a holiday show like The Nutcracker or an orchestra.” - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Photography: Wild Elegance LLC, As Seen In Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

Creating Advent Traditions in Your New Family

LARABETH MILLER

Advent has always been a season that puzzled me, especially when it came time to create my new little family with my husband. Lent has always been so clear to me because it involves serious contemplation and structure. The challenge with Advent is being able to make time for happy contemplation, while distinguishing the spiritual and material aspects of the season.  

Photography: Leah Muse Photography

When I spent my first Christmas with my husband, I had no idea what kind of traditions I wanted to create. I did want to keep a few from my own family, but I had every chance to build something of my own. I wanted to incorporate details that would leave lasting impressions on my children as they grew up. But I also wanted these details to shape how we interacted with one another and the Church as we developed as a family.

It's been a work in progress, especially with a toddler who doesn’t even know what Advent is, let alone Santa Claus. Last year was the first time went spent Advent and Christmas away from family, so we haven’t had much time to experiment. I wanted to share a few of the thoughts I put into my Advent planning this year.


Personal prayer time


It’s a new liturgical year, which means it is a time for me to approach God’s mercy once again and examine my relationship with him in a deeper way. Primarily, I view Advent as a time for me to consider God’s will for me and to do so with patience, since this is the time of waiting. How does he want to shape my heart this year? What sufferings and challenges can I accept? What new efforts can I make in order to be open to his voice? This is the most important part, not only because it nurtures my soul, but also because I want Christ to make me into a better wife and mother for my family.


A celebration with my spouse


When it comes to my husband, I want to be intentional about creating moments for the both of us, especially since we have already seen how life sweeps us in all directions. I’ve found the easiest way to do this is by putting extra care into our lives during Advent. I incorporate more comfort food into our menu and buy little Christmas decorations to cozy up the house. After our baby goes to bed, I’ll surprise my husband with a batch of cookies and we eat them in front of a movie. It may seem like nothing, but after the general chaos, it really holds so much value. I use these goals to draw myself out of my crazy Christmas plans for everyone else to show my husband he is the most important person at the end of my day.


Together, we are still figuring out Advent as a couple and as a family. For now, we both look forward to each Sunday, where my husband  lights the Advent candles before dinner. Even that simple act makes our prayer more meaningful and draws us both into that time together. Whenever we talk about building on this, we consider the best memories from our childhoods and remember  details that highlighted past seasons.


For him, it was revisiting the family Advent calendar, especially when it yielded chocolate. For me, it was setting up the nativity scene, with the exception of the baby Jesus--who was usually hidden in someone’s sock drawer until Christmas Eve.


Feast days


One of the best things about Advent is its abundance of feast days. Even if you cannot observe each one, they provide ample opportunity for pre-Christmas celebrations. If your family has cultural ties to certain feast days like Our Lady of Guadalupe or St. Lucy, it can make this time extra special. For me, this was usually the time when our parish would come together for a celebration. Depending on your region, many parishes plan events around these feasts. This is a perfect time to be involved in the Church community. For our family, I know it will be worth the effort to experience the special Masses and practice the traditions attached. Our plan is to learn about one feast day each year and to incorporate our favorites as our family grows.


The best advice I can give for this season is start small and simple. These traditions are supposed to hold special meaning for the new family you make with your husband. They are there to provide the comfort of familiarity and togetherness. Most importantly, they are there to point each member’s hearts towards Christ. You don’t have to do everything. Even one small thing means everything if it is rooted in Advent graces.


This is the very thing we want to build on as our family grows; just as the joy and anticipation of Christmas grows with each flame that is added to the Advent wreath.


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About the Author: Larabeth Miller is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the owner of Graced by Color. Read more