Setting Boundaries with Technology in the Bedroom
/HANNAH HOLLCRAFT
"Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why… It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the nothing.” ––C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
We live in a culture in which noise and busyness constantly vie for our attention. The enemy not only tries to push us towards sin but wants to distract us from what is truly important.
Modern man’s cell phone use might not seem like a big deal; however, if we are not intentional, time that we could spend fostering our marriages will be lost in this sea of busy nothing, simply staring into a screen. Setting the healthy and simple boundary of keeping cell phones out of your bedroom can help.
Not only does keeping your cell phone out of your room can help you get a better night’s sleep, but it will also benefit your marriage in more ways than one.
Your marriage bed is sacred; it is a place where you can connect with your spouse. Make yourselves present and attentive to one another by removing distractions, like screens, from your bed. Doing this will naturally foster emotional and physical intimacy that would otherwise be lost.
Our jobs, our extended family, and social media do not need us available 24/7. Our spouses, however, need us to make time for connection everyday. Sometimes we get busy with our daily tasks and the only intentional moments you have together are before you fall asleep at night or before the day begins. It’s important, especially when life seems busier than usual, to focus on your spouse’s needs and use the time you do have to the benefit of your marriage.
Related: Newlywed Challenge | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage
Having our first or the last thoughts of the day dictated by social media or our inboxes isn’t good for us.
While I enjoy ‘vegg-ing’ out on my phone in bed after a long day, I began to notice that I would inevitably find myself thinking about something I read online that bothered me or comparing myself to some unrealistic standard. Then I noticed a similar pattern in the morning; checking social media in the morning ultimately left me feeling overwhelmed and distracted before the day even began.
Using an actual alarm clock rather than having my phone on my nightstand can help you break the habit of browsing social media and checking your inbox in bed. My husband and I have a charging station outside our bedroom where our phones typically stay overnight. (Bonus: Doing this with your spouse will also make implementing a similar rule for your future teenagers much easier and more natural.
I’ve noticed that the space from my phone has not only been good for my marriage but it has also been good for my relationship with Christ.
While I don’t always practice this perfectly, I strive to start and end my day with some silence and prayer to root myself in Christ. Eliminating distractions when I first wake up has helped me to remember to tell Jesus that I love him every morning and offer him my day before my feet hit the floor. In the evenings I can reflect on my day and take time to pray with my spouse.
I have found this simple practice allows me to be more intentional with my spouse, to cultivate my relationship with Christ, and protect our marriage from the enemy’s distractions. I encourage you to try this out in your own marriage and see what fruits you find from keeping your phones out of your bed.
About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.